


Only Hope

by HerOwlness



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Challenge Response, F/M, Future Fic, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2006-06-30
Updated: 2009-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-13 09:33:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerOwlness/pseuds/HerOwlness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When one thinks that they've lost their way, hope will be there to lead them home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a future fic that is pretty AU from show canon in a lot of ways. It diverges from canon after 1x15 but contains spoilers through 1x18. Most of the differences should be clear by the end of Chapter One.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one thinks that they've lost their way, hope will be there to lead them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super-mega-awesome thanks to [](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/profile)[**sarah_p**](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/) who is my kickass beta, even though she doesn't kick my ass for using certain words or phrases repetatively, or for making flashbacks complicated by just switching tenses instead of italicizing. =)

**CHAPTER ONE**

_The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds. - Will Durant_

As Veronica checks her reflection in the mirror one last time, she can't believe that this day has finally arrived. Her blonde hair has been neatly curled into soft tendrils that brush lightly upon her almost-bare shoulders. She glances at a nearby mirror and smiles widely at the sight she sees.

It had taken more than a little convincing to avoid having to walk down the aisle in a big floofy princess dress. But that sort of dress wasn't her style, not anymore. After a number of persuasive arguments, her mother and Duncan finally yielded, allowing her to wear an A-line dress instead.

A loud knock on the door interrupts her train of thought. "You ready in there?" her father calls.

Veronica reaches for her bouquet and glances around the room towards the other bridesmaids who are carefully placing the veil on Angela's head, making sure not to disturb her makeup and hairstyle. Veronica hurries over and rearranges one of Angela's stray curls, certain that Duncan will be content with the woman he’ll be marrying momentarily.

Duncan Kane and Angela Kennedy met in college and hit it off immediately. Angela, while brown-haired, is remarkably similar to Veronica's former self – innocent, obedient, easy-going – so it's easy for the now-jaded blonde to understand what her half-brother sees in the short brunette.

Veronica sees her brother for what he is – a good man who doesn't want to have to work and fight every day to be happy with the one he loves. She sometimes wonders how much his childhood affected his nature in that way. After all, Lilly was always the outgoing one, the one who had to have her way, everything and everyone else be damned. Duncan, however, was used to indulging his older sister and was accustomed to being the one that his father and mother could depend on to do the right thing.

Still, after Keith learned that Celeste killed Lilly in a fit of rage, all because her errant daughter discovered the one secret she was most desperate to keep hidden, Abel Koontz was released from death row, and Veronica watched her brother draw further into himself. He was once the leader of their high school class; he was once outgoing and socialized with their classmates. After the reveal, however, something inside him changed. He went through the motions, sure enough, still writing for the _Neptune Navigator_ after yielding up the editorship to her, earning high grades in all of his classes, and retaining his starting spot on the Varsity soccer team.

To the rest of the world, it seemed as if little had changed. However, Logan and Veronica knew him best, and to them, it was clear that very little had stayed the same.

As the trial against his mother proceeded, it wasn’t long before all of Neptune found out the truth about Celeste and the lengths to which she would go to ensure she would have Jake Kane, until death do them part. Duncan could scarcely believe that his mother could be so desperate to bear Jake’s child – the unfortunate Lilly – that she was implanted with sperm from Donor #232, a Caucasian man with physical features very similar to that of Jake Kane.

After Celeste was found guilty and sentenced to life in prison, it wasn't long before the Kane divorce was finalized. And that gave Duncan and Veronica and Logan a common ground that none of them would ever have wished for – they each had lost their mothers.

Veronica knows that despite how strong-willed Duncan may seem, he is ultimately fragile, as he was never thrown into the fire, like she was after Lilly died, and forced to find a way to survive. She understands that it’s probably because of his own history that he so desperately sought a woman such as Angela – beautiful, biddable, and damnably innocent. Veronica doesn’t doubt for a second that the traditional symbolism of her white wedding gown is one-hundred percent accurate.

And there was nothing wrong with that. Veronica likes Angela well enough, from what little she knows of her, and she knows that Angela makes Duncan happy – and, really, that's all that matters.

The bridal party finally emerges from the chamber, and Veronica sees her mother working carefully to organize the wedding party in the church's narthex so that nothing will go wrong for her step-son's wedding.

After her mother returned from … wherever it was that she spent the past twenty-odd months, she had approached Keith about getting a divorce. Apparently, she was dating Jake Kane again, and there had been talk of wedding bells between them. Keith agreed, as he was dating Alicia again at that point, and within twelve months, both of her parents had remarried and appeared to be truly happy in their new relationships.

Veronica moves swiftly towards the end of the processional line, still finding it hard to believe – even after so many months have passed since Duncan's proposal – that she, of all people, was selected as Angela's Maid of Honor. She can understand the train of thought well enough, she supposes. After all, Angela doesn't have any sisters, and Duncan wanted her to be the Maid of Honor. However, Veronica's life is in New York City now, and she rarely has the free time to visit her family in California, let alone see them frequently enough to help plan a wedding.

Her mother had, luckily enough, been willing to help out with that role, in part, Veronica suspects, because she herself is not planning to marry. At least this way, her mother got to plan a wedding for one of her children.

Other than ensuring that she wouldn't be wearing a poofy skirt on this gorgeous California day, Veronica has had minimal interest in organizing Duncan's big day. She was happy to help out and offer opinions as needed, but honestly, all that really matters to her was that her younger brother is happy. And, if the size of his smile at last night's rehearsal dinner was any indication, he absolutely is.

Veronica hears her mother instruct a man – presumably the Best Man – to come stand beside her, and she's somewhat curious as to whom she'll be walking down the aisle with. After all, whoever he was, he hadn't been at the rehearsal dinner the night before. She'd almost asked Duncan who he'd chosen, but she knew that more than likely, it was someone that her brother had talked about ad nauseum during his college days – in short, someone that she would remember little to nothing about.

"Hello, Veronica," she hears a _very_ familiar voice greet her, and she looks over in surprise to see the one and only Logan Echolls standing beside her. She does a double-take - she certainly didn't expect to see him in the wedding party.

Veronica wants to hug him tightly, tell him how must she's missed him, and catch up on everything that's happened in their lives over the past seven years. This is hardly the time or place for that, though, and given the fact that _he_ was the reason they lost touch in the first place, she really doesn't want to get all sentimental anyhow. So instead, she flashes him a wide smile and greets him happily.

The opening chords of the Wedding March fill the air, causing Logan to offer her his arm so they can proceed down the aisle to take their places beside Duncan and his bride-to-be.

As they enter into the church, Veronica notes how the sunlight pours through the stained glass windows that line the walls. It's such a beautiful day – a perfect day for a wedding.

***

Twenty minutes later, Veronica has reevaluated her opinion of the church and of the wedding itself. _This_ is one of the many reasons why she never wants to get married. It's far too much ceremony for her tastes, and she finds her mind drifting as Father John drones on and on about love and fidelity and honor.

Her eyes fix on the man standing at Duncan's side, and she assesses the changes in Logan – or the superficial ones, at least – since she saw him last. He's maybe an inch or two taller than he was before they all left for college, and he doesn't have any highlights in his hair as he did then. But, really, the biggest change that Veronica can see in him now is that he looks happy in a way that she never thought she'd see.

In high school, Logan had never been lucky, at least not in any way that mattered. He bore up well enough under all the adversity that he faced, so much so that few knew the depth of the grief he felt most days. Everything changed between them once Logan enlisted her help in finding his mother, so Veronica knew the cold reality Logan lived with better than most.

True enough, she had never been able to actually find his mother's body for him, but she had helped him accept the truth that his mother was, in fact, dead. And sometimes, that can be the hardest step to take.

It was later that night, after he'd broken down in her arms in the lobby of the Sunset Regent, when things had changed between them for good, for better. With Leo's help, Veronica drove Logan, who had probably downed at least one bottle of whiskey by that point, back to his house, with plans to enlist the help of someone in his family to make sure he didn't do something absolutely stupid before he sobered up. However, no one was home, and after a bit of prodding, Logan informed her that his dad was "rediscovering life" at one of the family cabins, probably with a naked floozy at his side, and his sister had flown to New York to audition for a role as Julia Roberts's ass double in an upcoming film.

Faced with two options – to either leave a very wasted and very alone Logan to fend for himself all night or to spend the night nearby and hopefully prevent any of his more foolish actions – she chose the latter, thanking Leo for his help but sending him home.

Needless to say, Logan didn't make things easy for her. He never did, always fighting and pushing and doing whatever was necessary to make her life just a little more difficult. And that night? Was no exception.

It all started when she tried to persuade him that it was time for bed and that he should put on his pajamas. He didn't want to cooperate, insisting that he wasn't tired and wanted to dance the night away. Before Veronica knew what was going on, rock music was playing loudly, and Logan was grooving to the beat. It wasn't too long before he tried to get her dancing as well, with a none-too-subtle hand placed on her hip and another grasping for her arm.

She put a stop to that, naturally. Dancing with a very drunk and half-naked Logan couldn't have possibly ended up anywhere good. Veronica instead returned her attention to the matter at hand – convincing Logan that, no, she really didn’t want to dance with him, and that, yes, he really _should_ get some sleep.

Victorious - _finally_ \- Veronica left to rummage around in the Echolls' kitchen for some food, to allow Logan privacy while he changed out of his costume and into pajama pants. Or at least something other than his 80s wear.

When she returned ten minutes later, she half-hoped – but didn’t really expect – Logan to be fast asleep in the pool house. What she discovered, however, was the last thing she expected to see.

Logan. All but naked, clad only in the pair of tighty-whities he wore underneath his _Risky Business_ -themed costume.

Now, she doesn't even remember what she said, but she knows she was totally thrown by his undressed state, and figures that she probably stammered something unintelligible. Because the one thing that she does remember is Logan asking her, half-teasing and half-flirting, "Echolls got your tongue?"

While she _was_ tongue-tied by the sight of his appearance – particularly the definition of his chest muscles, something Lilly had always admired, but also something Veronica hadn't seen in years – she was hardly going to admit it to him. After all, this was _Logan Echolls_ who, until his mother jumped off a bridge a few weeks earlier, had been the bane of her existence. There was nothing to keep him from reverting back to his old self, and damned if she was going to give him ammunition to use against her.

Her returning shot was some biting remark about how surprised she was by his flabby chest, and she still recalls just how _sexy_ \- and totally disbelieving – he looked when he smirked in response. She also recalls with some amusement – and only a tinge of regret – that she declined his invitation to join him on the bed to test out just how flabby he really was.

She'd known exactly where that would have taken her, them. While it may have opened up a whole new world to her, filled with excitement and pleasure, it could quite possibly have been the greatest mistake she ever could have made.

A part of her regrets not sleeping with Logan when the opportunity arose, but she quickly dismisses it. She's happy now, with a man who loves her in a way that Logan wasn't capable of then. Dominic Elliott is complete where Logan was broken, is trusting where Logan was betrayed, is everything Veronica needs where Logan … Logan wasn’t.

Still, despite any and all of the failings Logan may have had as a potential boyfriend, he was a great friend to her throughout the last year and a half of high school. She can't deny that, she _won't_ deny that. And it was all because of that day and night she spent with him, staying by his side as he was forced to face his grief, saving him from himself after he drank to forget everything that was wrong with his life.

She'd never thought that she would be able to reclaim the close foursome that Logan, Lilly, and Duncan had given her, but with the addition of Wallace to the remaining three, they came close. The dynamic was different, of course, as this time they all knew just how fleeting both life and happiness could be. At the same time, they were there for each other in a way that she had never dreamed possible.

Wallace had been the only one she could truly trust until she reclaimed the friendships with Duncan and Logan that she'd thought had been lost for good. And it was great. Whether she needed to talk, needed to cry, or just needed to be distracted from … whatever it was that was going on in her life, they were there to help. And, likewise, she did the same for them.

She still doesn't understand why things had to change between them when they all left Neptune and headed off to college. Or, rather, she understands that the distance made it more difficult for them to stay in touch, but she wonders why one particular member of the group hadn't seemed quite as willing to reciprocate the efforts.

Obviously, she is still on excellent terms with Wallace, who has since added the title of "step-brother" to his ever expanding BFF résumé. And with their newfound blood ties, she and Duncan are just as close as they'd been in high school, if not closer.

But with Logan, things aren't anywhere near the same as how they used to be. Logan had left each of her initial emails and phone calls unanswered as they started classes in the utterly new worlds that they found themselves in. She'd called him three times from NYU – and sent a few tentative emails as well – making sure to ask questions about his life at Northwestern, wanting him to know that she cared about how he was doing, trying everything she could to elicit some sort of response.

And what did she get?

Nothing, nada, zip, zilch.

At the time, she'd chalked it up to him being busy, being finally able to enjoy life without living in the constant shadow of the paparazzi, but a part of her wondered if he was just glad to finally be able to leave Neptune – and all the bad memories that it represented – behind.

Up until that afternoon, the last time she saw him was at her nineteenth birthday party. It had been an odd mixture of adults – Dad, Mom, Alicia, and Jake, the man who was her father in everything but her heart – and a few of her close friends. They'd had fun dancing on the beach, splashing in the waves, and playing ultimate frisbee along the shoreline.

Later that night, Logan had pulled her away from the crowd and walked with her along the shoreline. He'd talked about things that he'd never told her before – about how sometimes he wished he _wasn't_ Logan Nathaniel Echolls, how sometimes he wished that he could trade places with one of the poor 02'ers, how he wondered if he'd ever be able to escape the shadow that his dead ex-girlfriend cast over his life.

They never talked about Lilly. Ever. For one, it was a topic on which Wallace knew only what he'd heard from others, so it was hardly something for their foursome to bring up in everyday conversation. More importantly though, thoughts of Lilly were still far too painful for Veronica and Duncan. She'd thought the same was true for Logan, but given that tentative topic of conversation, she was clearly mistaken.

After stunning her into silence with the mention of Lilly, Logan halted their progress down the beach and reached into the pocket of his swim trunks for a small, rectangular box that was encased within a protective Ziploc bag. He couldn't have risked getting her present wet, he'd joked.

If she was stunned at the earlier reference to Lilly, she was in absolute disbelief by this point. After all, Logan had already given her a birthday gift – the Kanye West CD she'd wanted. He shook his head and gave her a small, tentative smile. That was only a part of her gift. _This_ was her real gift.

Her fingers shook with an uncertainty that she despised as she tentatively lifted the cover of the box to find a small locket attached to a gold chain. It was too much, she had protested. He shouldn’t have gotten her something so expensive. He returned that he had more money than he knew what to do with, and he wanted to give her something to remember him and their friends by.

At this point, he carefully opened the ovular locket to reveal the two photographs that he had carefully tucked inside. The first was of their original foursome – Lilly, Duncan, Logan, and Veronica – at the last Homecoming they'd shared together before everything had changed forever. The second was of their latest group – Wallace, Duncan, Logan, and Veronica – at Prom a few months earlier. She'd forgotten that Logan had insisted on a picture of the four of them together – sans dates – and she idly wondered if he'd had this in mind, even then.

She'd felt tears well in her eyes for the first time in a long time. After all, she prided herself on being a tough girl, and tough girls didn't cry.

Logan gingerly fastened the locket around her neck before gently gathering her into his arms.

"I'm going to miss you, Veronica," he'd whispered, his mouth pressed softly to her temple.

She hadn't known what to say in return, other than the obvious, and she _hated_ to be obvious. But it fit, it was _right_ , and so she went with it, and said the obvious.

"I'll miss you too, Logan."

They stood like that for a few moments – because it was easy, comfortable – and then before she knew what was happening, Logan was kissing her, full-on, no holds barred. She had to give him credit - the boy knew how to kiss.

But, somehow, even after all of _that_ , after crossing the line from platonic friends into possibly something more, Logan couldn't seem to find the time in Chicago to stay in touch. And that hurt.

Focusing her attention back on the present day, Veronica notices that Logan has a quizzical look on his face. Oh, God, was her inattention to the wedding at hand _that_ obvious? Sure, she's bored by the seemingly endless ceremony but that doesn't mean that she wants Duncan or Logan or _anyone_ , really, to know that she couldn't focus her attention on her brother and his practically-wife for ninety-or-so minutes.

Could she ask Logan now why he intentionally cut her out of his life without a thought? Probably. After all, she was Veronica Mars. If anyone could find a way to work that neatly and organically into conversation, it was her.

But did she really _want_ to know? Some things are better left unsaid, and she's happy now, happy with Nick, and maybe this is something that she would rather not know.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," the pastor says, and Veronica exhales a sigh of relief. _Finally_ , the ceremony is over. "You may kiss the bride."

Duncan leans over to kiss his new wife, and Veronica averts her eyes. Yes, they’re there on public display, but with her own twisted history as the ex-girlfriend of her half-brother, she prefers to leave thoughts of her brother kissing other women to her imagination.

Instead she looks towards Logan, and as the recessional hymns play, she takes his arm and they walk out the church together.

"One question," he begins softly, whispering in her ear. "What was it that had you so distracted during the ceremony?"

She looks at him, wondering if this is God's strange way of telling her that she should just ask Logan why he never responded to any of her attempts at contact, even though all of that was seven years ago and well in the past.

To ask him, or not to ask him, _that_ was most definitely the question du jour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the big differences between canon and this fic (as have been revealed thus far): Aaron didn't kill Lilly, Jake is Veronica's biodad, Logan and Veronica never dated in high school, and Alicia and Keith never broke up. And I'm probably missing something, but those are the big things. :)
> 
> Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed this, my first foray into ACTUAL WIP'ing in the VM'verse. I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions as I race to write the next part by the end of next month. :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one thinks that they've lost their way, hope will be there to lead them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Sarah_p for the kick-ass beta job! :)

**CHAPTER TWO**  
  
 _The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure but from hope to hope. - Samuel Johnson_  
  
Veronica looks over at the mischievous light dancing in Logan's eyes after he asks what she was thinking about during the ceremony. He's clearly amused – at her expense – and she likes seeing him look so carefree and … _happy_. She can't remember the last time he looked so light-hearted. Of course, the fact that she hasn't seen him in years does account for some of the unexpected changes in him, but still. They're at Duncan's wedding, of all places. This isn't the time or place for a conversation about _that_. The reasons as to why Logan decided to let their friendship fall by the wayside are important, true enough. However, Veronica doesn't want to risk doing or saying anything that could place a black mark on Duncan's big day.  
  
So, instead, she covers, saying, "I was just looking around and thinking that even with all time that has passed, it's almost seems as if nothing's changed since high school."  
  
"Really?" he asks curiously, a skeptical look in his eyes. Clearly – and rightfully so – he doesn't believe her.  
  
So she elaborates further. "I mean, I'm sure that we've all grown up and changed and are _different_ from who we were then. But looking around here, just being back here in Neptune … It's almost like I never left."  
  
"Are you happy in New York?" he asks, guiding her towards their place in the receiving line.  
  
"It's different," she starts slowly, wondering why Duncan – his most likely source of information about her life – never mentioned anything to her about Logan's life, let alone the fact that he kept in touch with their old friend. "But I love it there. I can be anonymous in a crowd of people. I'm more than just the friend of that dead rich girl. It's feels so … _liberating_."  
  
"You'd better not be thinking about streaking, Mars," the voice of her still-best friend warns, as he envelopes her in a warm hug. "How're you doing, Echolls?"  
  
"I'm doing well, Wallace. Good to see you again."  
  
Veronica notices the shadows in Wallace's eyes and knows that Logan won't catch them. She and she alone knows that Wallace wishes that he hadn't lost contact with Logan after graduation. Granted, she only knew that because they were the two that were "left behind" by the troubled then-adolescent, but she knows her brother well enough to know that seeing her and Logan reestablish their rapport so quickly can't be easy on him.  
  
"Logan Echolls," Wallace's date muses. "Aren't you the one that donated all that money to open that domestic violence shelter in LA?"  
  
Logan shrugs, clearly uncomfortable with being lauded for his philanthropic work. "It's just money," he says dismissively. "I've got more than I need, so why not spread the wealth?"  
  
"Well, Jamie and I think it's great that you're trying to make a difference," Wallace responds, trying to dissipate the steadily growing awkwardness. "And now I sound like one of those sappy ' _Save the world for just a penny a day_ ' commercials."  
  
The four of them laugh, and Wallace continues, "I think we should probably move along, and catch up with Duncan. It was good seeing you, man."  
  
"Yeah, we should catch up sometime, dude."  
  
"Definitely," Wallace agrees with a nod.  
  
Veronica wants to ask Logan about the money he donated, but he's clearly uncomfortable talking about it. Besides, if the ear-splitting grins on the faces of the couple next in line are any indication, she won't have time to ask – not yet, at least.  
  
"Veronica, you look so beautiful in that dress," Alicia enthuses. "And the ceremony! Didn't it make you hope that someday you can have a wedding that's just as wonderful?"  
  
Veronica resists the urge to roll her eyes at her step-mother's words. She knows that her dad and Alicia still hold out hope that she'll get married someday, even though she's made her feelings on the subject crystal clear. They'd been silent on the subject as of late, but she should have known that the day's celebration would force the subject yet again.  
  
"Actually, Alicia, is it just me, or do Wallace and Jamie just look … _right_ together? I bet they'll be hearing wedding bells before you know it."  
  
"Really?" Alicia asks in response, a thoughtful look crossing her features as she likely pictures Wallace and his girlfriend of only a few months walking down the aisle.  
  
 _No, not really_ , Veronica thinks, but at least Wallace can handle his mother's pestering better than she can.  
  
She makes the mistake of meeting Logan's skeptical gaze, and with one look, he sees her lie. His eyes fill with mirth, and he struggles to keep from laughing aloud.  
  
"It's hard to believe my little Veronica is all grown up," her dad says after a moment's pause, a fatherly grin plastered on his features and a few tears welling in his eyes. "Alicia's right – you do look beautiful."  
  
"Thanks, Dad," she says, discomfited by his rare display of sentimentality. "I'll see you at the reception, okay?"  
  
"We'll see you there, sweetie," he agrees. "Good to see you again, Logan."  
  
"Mr. Mars," Logan returns with a nod.  
  
Veronica is thankful that she doesn't know the next few couples that greet them as they make nice with the other wedding guests in the bright California sun. Oh, sure, they know _of_ her – after all, she's Jake Kane's "step-daughter" (as far as the rest of the world is concerned, at any rate) – and her father has told them all about her life in New York. Still, most of them are more interested in catching up with the son of movie megastar Aaron Echolls. She nods and smiles and exchanges pleasantries with these perfect strangers, but for the most part, she just tunes them out.  
  
Although when she hears Logan mention something about how he's planning to buy up tracts real estate along the Pacific so that he can start a seaside resort for ants – all said with straight face – she almost wishes that she had been paying attention. She knows that Logan will never tell these busybodies anything true or fully accurate – he never had any use for the local gossips in high school, and it's clear that his opinion of them hasn’t changed over the years – but she thinks that the whole situation is entertaining, if nothing else.  
  
Instead of paying attention to the conversations swirling around her, she's thinking about Logan and how much he's changed. Oh, sure, his sarcastic streak is still at least a mile wide, and from what she's seen of him so far, his character seems more or less the same. Still, the part of him that seemed damaged beyond repair in high school … Veronica wonders if he's found a way – or more likely, a woman – to fix it.  
  
Logan was just so _needy_ in high school – not that he'd ever admit that, but it was the truth. And while Veronica liked to feel needed, it could be … wearing at times to have Logan be so wholly dependent on his friends – and his slut of the week – for attention or affection.  
  
Sure, he acted like he didn't care that his mom was dead or that his dad was off screwing his latest twenty-something costar or that his half-sister was doing anything and everything and every _one_ necessary to become the next big Hollywood star. But then he would do the most damnably _stupid_ things ….  
  
Veronica knows that she can't begin to count the number of times that she had to protect Logan from his own worst enemy – himself.  
  
That self-derision or self-apathy or whatever it was he had been feeling appeared to have disappeared, or at least dissipated, from his persona.  
  
Or so she hopes. She'd see what he was like at the reception in a few hours, holding court before his Neptunian subjects with a strong drink in each hand – the ultimate test to determine whether or not he had, in fact, changed.  
  
No, that isn't fair. Yeah, Logan had always liked alcohol, but during their last two years of high school, he had made an effort to cut back on his drinking – at least, most of the time. Unlike the average high schooler, he had much more to worry about than whether or not he'd be able to get that pretty cheerleader to make out with him in the backseat of his car or if he'd bombed his European history test. Most teenagers didn't have to deal with a mother's water-logged body washing ashore on a very public beach, a (half-)sister being introduced as the latest _Playboy_ centerfold, or a second trial involving the murder of the girl who was his first ... everything. And Veronica, in turn, had interrupted more than one date and had left more than one party early in order to stay with Logan and keep him from drowning himself in a gallon of brandy.  
  
She didn't regret her decisions, then or now. After she learned the truth about her paternity, she had felt an unbidden urge to leave Neptune and discover who she really was – Kane or Mars nonwithstanding. She didn't have any trumped-up dreams of spending the rest of her life with some dorky guy from her biology class. She was Veronica Mars, destined for bigger and better things.  
  
Relationships - and the affections of boys in general – were fleeting in Veronica's high school life, but her friendship with Logan was more than just another unimportant high school _thing_ that would be easily forgotten after graduation. That's why whenever he called her, she hadn't hesitated to stop whatever she was doing to go to him. That's why whenever she heard a new and disturbing piece of salacious gossip about him or his family on the radio, she didn't think twice about skipping school so they could spend the day together.  
  
High school was, in her mind, four years of her life during which she felt increasingly claustrophobic and trapped. Logan was her escape, and she was his.  
  
After the rollercoaster of events they'd experienced at the Sunset Regent on that heartbreaking February day, Veronica had wondered if things between them could really get back to normal. What was there to keep Logan from reverting to his old self, filled with hatred and jackassery? To her surprise, in the time that followed, they not only reestablished their lost friendship, but they became closer than they had ever been before. It probably had something to do with Lilly's absence, but Veronica never liked to think about that, to ponder what her life would have been like had Lilly never died, so she didn't consider that possibility too much.  
  
Instead she had marveled in the fact that Logan would readily ditch whatever floozy was at his side to talk with her, if she needed him. The first time had been the biggest surprise – her mom was back in town and she needed to be with someone who understood what it was like to lose a mother. Duncan clearly wasn't a viable candidate as own circumstances were still too raw and painful, and Wallace's mom had never up and left out of nowhere. So that left Logan as the only other option.  
  
So, she'd called him and heard Melissa Sissett pestering him to get off the phone so they could "get back to the fun stuff." Mortified, Veronica had tried to make an excuse and hang up, but he'd been insistent, asking where she was. Refusing to disturb him further, she told him not to worry about it and hung up the phone.  
  
Needless to say, she was more than a little surprised when he called her back five minutes later, telling her that he was coming to find her whether she told him where she was or not, and, if he had to, he'd call up her father and have him track her cell phone. She'd laughed nervously, still in a state of disbelief that he'd interrupted his "date" – if one could even call a quick dinner followed by fooling around in his XTerra a date – for her.  
  
Now that she thinks about it, maybe Logan wasn't _totally_ broken in high school after all. Maybe he was just severely dented.  
  
At this point, Veronica has to resist the urge to laugh as she tries to find exactly the right words to describe Logan's emotional health during what were probably the most tumultuous times of his life.  
  
"'Sup, Veronica?" a voice asks, pulling her from her thoughts, the phrasing and the voice invading her mind, reminding her of someone that she used to know.  
  
Her eyes alight on a man who looks as if he hasn't changed all that much since she last saw him seven years ago. The one, the only Casey Gant. The same Casey Gant who has clearly picked up on the fact that she had been spacing out at her own brother's wedding and felt the need to jolt her back to reality.  
  
"Casey!" Veronica greets him with a grin, as she moves forward to envelope him in a hug., frou-frou dress and flowers be damned. "It's great to see you again!"  
  
"Time certainly has changed you," he teases. "I never thought I'd see the day when I'd have been able to sneak up on the great Veronica Mars like that."  
  
"Well, I _thought_ Logan was watching my back," she returns, glancing slyly in the other man's direction. "Then again, since he let you get so close without saying anything, I might need to reconsider my master plan."  
  
Logan doesn't respond to her jibe, which strikes her as somehow being very wrong. After all, if she can't rely on Logan to snark at her, what in the world _can_ she count on?  
  
"Oh, Veronica," Casey starts after a moment and after a moment, he amends his words to address Logan as well. "I'd like to introduce you both to Susan Stickle, my fiancée."  
  
"Congratulations!" Veronica responds warmly to the pair. Just because she has no desire to be married doesn't make her unwilling to celebrate the same for another couple. Hell, her mere presence at Duncan's wedding attests to that better than anything.  
  
"Yeah, congratulations," Logan offers hollowly, and Veronica's eyes instantly dart to meet Casey's. However, if he detects any trace of Logan's insincerity, it doesn't show. She had hoped that over the course of the past seven years, Logan's mistrust of the other man had faded. Clearly, that isn't the case.  
  
She knows that it is just his innate protective streak shining through, as he had made his reservations of her and her high school friendship and flirtation (and sometimes more) with Casey clear then, reminding her – seemingly endlessly – that Casey wasn't a one woman man and that she'd get only hurt in the end.  
  
Veronica, as luck would have it, was fortunate since she never had any illusions of being Casey's one-and-only. For her, Casey had been the only person she'd been able to open up to after she discovered who she slept with at Shelley's party.  
  
True enough, she hadn't been able to tell him – or anyone, really – about the fact that Duncan was not just her ex-boyfriend but also her half-brother, but she hardly felt comfortable talking to Logan about her having sex with their mutual friend. Plus, there was also the fact that she couldn't be certain that her muddled thoughts wouldn't be repeated to object of her confusion. While she and Logan had reestablished some semblance of trust during the last year and a half of high school, there was no guarantee that he wouldn't feel the need to fill in the boy who had been his best friend for much longer on her muddled musings.  
  
She didn't know whether he felt a stronger sense of loyalty towards her or Duncan. She wanted to believe that it was her – after all, by that time she had become Logan's first choice in confidantes – but in the case of her twisted half-sib-sex crisis, she really didn't want to risk discovering otherwise.  
  
So she'd called upon Casey to be her sounding board, first at his home in Neptune and the following year at his frat house at UCLA. They'd established a tentative friendship with their toasting of Kool-Aid, and it was logical, in her mind, for her friendship with a mature and understanding man to develop into something more.  
  
Logan clearly didn't agree, although at the time she didn't really understand how he felt that it was his place to interfere in her social life. While she didn't really hold back her litany of sarcastic comments about whatever brain-dead oh-niner he was dating at any given time, she didn't honestly expect him to disavow that breed of spoiled brats because she had said so. When she continued to fool around with Casey after Logan had told her in no uncertain terms that it was a bad idea, he'd taken it almost as a personal affront.  
  
It was definitely a good thing that Logan didn't know she'd slept with Casey.  
  
It wasn't something she'd planned or even really thought about until after it was all said and done. One thing had led to another until it just seemed so _natural_ to just have sex. Casey had been more understanding and patient than the average teenage boy, given that he knew the circumstances of her only other sexual experience better than anyone else.  
  
Not that they'd limited themselves to just that one time. But that was neither here nor there and definitely something that Logan never needed to learn about. No good could come from that.  
  
"Veronica?" she hears Logan's voice ask worriedly, his warm hand on her shoulder.  
  
She blinks, and her memories return to the recesses of her mind. "What?" she asks.  
  
"Are you on medication or something that causes temporary blackouts?" he asks, half-joking and half-worried.  
  
She shakes her head. "Just … memories, that's all. I haven't been back in Neptune for more than a day or two in a really long time. And seeing everyone again … well, it's making me remember some of the old times."  
  
"We'll have to toast to the good old days later, Veronica," Casey teases with a smile. "Nice seeing you again, Logan."  
  
"It was great to meet the two of you," Susan says, offering a smile as she walks away on Casey's arm.  
  
Before Veronica can reflect any more on the way things used to be between her and Casey or her and Logan or the way the both of them had a terrible knack of putting her in the middle of their macho feud, another couple approaches them and begins to make mindless small talk. She knows that they don't really care about her job or about how long she'll be in California. They just need something to say to pass the time until they can get to the people that really matter – Duncan and his new wife.  
  
But she doesn't make a scene. She knows better than that and refuses to ruin Duncan's big day by being so immature. That doesn't mean she isn't tempted to ask some thoroughly inappropriate questions based off information that she gleaned from all those years as a junior PI, but no matter how mind-numbingly boring the afternoon may get, she won't stoop _quite_ that low.  
  
Instead she smiles prettily for the videographer who is recording every seemingly endless moment of the wedding day and tells herself that things will get better at the reception.  
  
Two words – open bar.  
  
She's never been a huge fan of alcohol – particularly not of public drunkenness – but she's beginning to think that a stiff drink could really make all of this superficial schmoozing go a hell of a lot smoother.  
  
A child shrieks loudly in the background, and Veronica resists the urge to rub her temples as the kid is currently occupying a decibel frequented only by bats and other ultrasonic rodents. That noise – along with all the messes and hassles that come with it – is one of the big reasons why Veronica knows she could never be a mother. She simply doesn't have the patience for it, and no matter how much any of her parents wheedle for even one grandchild, it just isn't a reasonable option for her.  
  
"So, Mrs. Paquette – "  
  
"Please, call me Sarah, dear," the older woman insists.  
  
Reluctantly, Veronica accedes, feeling uncomfortable about calling a high school friend of her mother's by her first name. "So, _Sarah_ , Mom was telling me the other day that you're working to revitalize the Neptune Community Center?"  
  
"That I am," the woman replies with a bright smile. "I can't begin to tell you what a dream it is – so many young people are volunteering their time and energy to make the place into something that the whole town can be proud of."  
  
"DADDY!" Veronica hears the same tiny voice yell, and she refrains from turning around and giving a much-deserved tongue-lashing to the parents for whatever trouble their child has gotten into. Instead, she ignores the cry and follows up her initial question with another about the same project. It never hurts to brush up on her interviewing skills, she thinks, and at least this way she can make the whole experience seem like less of a waste of time.  
  
But the she feels a sharp tug on her hair and hears an airy giggle, which is followed by a child saying, " _Boing_! Look! They're so bouncy, Daddy!"  
  
The low chuckle that follows that statement of glee is one that she knows all too well, so – positive that she's hallucinating, as there is no other logical explanation – she turns to look at her matured friend and sees a dark-haired toddler perching easily in Logan's arms.  
  
She blinks once, twice, still certain that she's imagining this. Could Logan really be a father?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. Feedback is always appreciated! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one thinks that they've lost their way, hope will be there to lead them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Sarah_P for the beta help!

****

**CHAPTER THREE**

_Hope is only the love of life. - Henri-Frédéric Amiel_

"Veronica, this four-year-old terror is my daughter, Esperanza," Logan introduces in a tone that belies the disapproving nature of his words. His eyes twinkle brightly as they rest on the dark-haired girl who has her arms wrapped around his neck as she sits in his arms.

Veronica consciously wipes the shock from her face and smiles at Esperanza and Logan. Despite her accepting outward appearance, inside she's reeling from the revelation that Logan has a family.

Then again, Logan had always sought out love and affection – he'd just had terrible taste in women for so long. The fact that he finds such joy in being a family man shouldn't, and doesn't, surprise her. The fact that she's heard next to nothing about his wife and daughter in the newspapers is surprising, however, given the affinity that paparazzi had always had for Logan's adolescent antics. Veronica rationalizes that Logan probably guards the privacy of his family zealously; he always hated the limelight and photogs, so it isn't that hard to believe that he'd take every necessary precaution to keep his family out of the public eye.

Still, after everything that they shared, growing up amidst both good times and bad, it hurts to think that he didn't invite her to his wedding. Sure, they'd lost touch after high school – in large part due to his apparent inability to hit "reply" in his email account – but she'd told him things, about her mother and Lilly, that she never told anyone else. Given the fact that his friendship with Duncan appears to have survived and even thrived over the years, her brother was probably invited, which means that there are two men whose asses she has to kick. Later.

"Esperanza, this is Veronica. She was one of my best friends when I was in high school."

Is that all she was to him? To hear their relationship reduced to something so simply phrased hurts. They were more than just "best friends." They were each other's confidants, lifelines. They were co-survivors of the raging waters of their disasterous teenage years.

She's probably being too hard on him – he's just simplified what she meant to him once upon a time down to a four-year-old's understanding. Explaining everything that they'd survived together – Lilly, their mothers, and high school in general – would probably be too much for the little girl.

Breathe deeply, Veronica tells herself, feeling her temper rise more than it has in years. Neptune in general – and Logan in particular – has always had a way of getting under her skin. That's exactly why she left the tiny town far behind at her first opportunity.

"Niña, I told you not to run off on me," she hears a warm voice behind her chastise some little girl – likely Esperanza. She turns to see a familiar face that she can't quite place. The older woman has long black hair, which is streaked with gray and pulled back into a tight bun at the nape of her neck. She appears friendly, but it's clear the years have not treated her well as she has worn lines on smiling face. Still, she has a smile on her lips, and happiness shines in her warm brown eyes, so it appears she has few complaints about the hand life has dealt her. She looks content in her loose-fitting maroon dress, and Veronica has to hide a grin when she notices the knitting needles sticking out of her handbag. If only she'd had foresight enough to sneak in some form of entertainment to keep her mind from wandering during the ceremony.

"I've got her, Lettie, thanks," Logan responds, and Veronica has to fight to avoid showing her surprise. Leticia Navarro – Weevil's grandmother, of all people – is watching over Logan's daughter? Looking again at the dark cast of the girl's skin and her jet black hair, Veronica can't help but wonder if there's some familial tie to explain this unlikely scenario.

"Nonsense. You've got wedding duties yet to do, and this little one and I are going to find a toy shop before the reception."

"She doesn't need any more toys. She has plenty," he says, laying a soft kiss on his daughter's forehead.

Esperanza is watching their conversation closely, clearly wanting another toy – even if she does already have "too many."

"She only has too many because you two can't go anywhere without finding her something new. You can't refuse her anything," the older woman admonishes.

"No, I can't," he admits wryly. "You've got the credit card?"

"Sí, Mr. Echolls," she nods, collecting Esperanza from her father's arms and effectively ending Veronica's speculation about the girl's maternity with the formal way Mrs. Navarro addresses her apparent employer.

"I told you to call me Logan," he says, exasperated, rolling his eyes in a way that implies they've had this conversation many times before.

"Sí, señor. Good to see you again, Veronica."

"You too, Mrs. Navarro," Veronica responds with a grin.

"Come along now, angel," she instructs, taking Esperanza by the hand and leading her away.

"Well," a warm voice says, drawing their attention back to the receiving line where Mr. and Mrs. Paquette, along with a good half-dozen other guests, have long since proceeded past the bridal couple. "Don’t you two just have the most adorable little girl!"

Veronica and Logan clear their throats uncomfortably and exchange a glance. An awkward silence falls between them until Logan speaks up.

"No, Mrs. Spencer, Esperanza isn't Veronica's daughter. Veronica is actually living out in New York City now. She's in a serious relationship, from what I hear."

Veronica nods emphatically in response, thankful that Logan could easily dismiss the statement since she was too tongue-tied in disbelief to make much sense at the moment.

"Oh, really, dear?" the woman replies easily. "Noah and I are talking about taking a trip out that way. What parts of the city should we make sure to visit?"

"Broadway is a must see," Veronica offers, the theater being the first thing to pop into her head. "You'll probably want to try to order tickets ahead of time so you can make sure you can get seats."

"That sounds like an excellent idea, doesn't it, Liz?" the man at her side – presumably Noah Spencer – accedes. "Thanks for the tip."

"My pleasure," she responds as she oh-so-casually peeks behind them to get a look at how much longer she has to stand in seemingly endless receiving line.

After the Spencers move past, Veronica hears a very familiar voice greet her, and her face lights up in a grin.

"You looked great up there, Veronica. I almost felt bad for Duncan, knowing that he wasn't marrying the most beautiful woman in the place. Marrying his step-sister would be bad form, though, wouldn't it?"

She forces a laugh, trying not to think of the two years she'd spent dreaming of the very day when she would marry Duncan and of how the two of them would live side-by-side – in nearly identical mansions, of course – with Logan and Lilly. Nick doesn't know about any of that. He doesn't _need_ to know about any of that. That's all in the past, and it will never be again, for so many reasons. Why tell him that she not only dated the man who is now her brother but that she also slept with him at a party almost ten years ago? It would only create trouble, and Veronica has already had more than enough of that in her lifetime.

While in New York, Veronica has refined the art of streamlining her life – analyzing a given situation and determining what is essential and what is superfluous. She focuses on the important things and pays no heed to those that have minimal impact on her life.

She typically considers her childhood experiences to be among those superfluous things.

That's not to say she doesn't spend time with her brothers or with her parents. She does. And that doesn't mean that Nick doesn't know anything about her past – he knows what she deems necessary, what she considers to be the abridged version. She doesn't want to relive everything that she had to go through when she was younger, and she doesn't want his pity. She's told him enough so that he understands that high school wasn't easy for her, but not so much that he feels the need to "share and grow" with her on a semi-regular basis.

Then again, Nick is an average man in the sense that he doesn't really enjoy talking about his feelings, and he understands that she's the same way. Talking about things won't change the past. _Action_ is the only way to bring about change.

"I'm glad you're here, sweetie," she responds, moving up to kiss him lightly on the cheek before making the necessary introductions. "Nick, this is Logan Echolls, one of my best friends from high school. Logan, this is my boyfriend, Dominic Elliott."

"Nice to meet you, Logan. Was that your little one I saw running around before?"

"Yeah, probably," he says with a wry grin. "She's a little ball of fire."

"So, Nick, I'm beginning to think that I should temporarily attach you to my side so that I can show you off. After all, Mr. and Mrs. Spencer just thought that Esperanza was Logan's and _my_ daughter!"

"She doesn't look a thing like either one of you," he responds confusedly before the realization of what he might have implied crosses his features. "I just mean, with her dark coloring, she couldn't possibly biologically belong to the pair of you."

"Well, now that Angelina Jolie has adopted baby number seventeen, the concept of international adoption isn't nearly as foreign as it once was. I'm guessing that they figured that's what happened."

"Oh, my poor Veronica," Nick teases, laying an indulgent open-mouthed kiss on her forehead. "Don't worry – I'll protect you from people who are trying to foist other people's children onto you."

Logan chuckles. "Don't worry about Esperanza. She may be a handful, but she's all mine. I have no plans to give her up. Besides, the two of you might have children of your own soon enough. After all, you've been dating for a few years, right?"

"It'll be four years in February," Veronica confirms. "But we're not going to have any kids."

"Maybe not right now, but you two have plenty of time."

"No, not ever. I - _we_ decided that we don't want children. We're going to be selfish and spend all of our time on each other rather than adding anyone else to the mix," she explains lightly. "Besides, you know as well as I do that I probably don't have the patience necessary to be a good mother."

"I think you could be an excellent mom if you wanted to be," Logan responds quietly, clearly taken aback by her response. "I'm not trying to tell you guys what to do. I mean, I know from personal experience that it's a waste of time to try to tell Veronica to do anything. But I just know that having a child is like nothing else I've ever known. Yeah, there's a lot of responsibility, but Esperanza makes me happier than I ever thought possible."

He laughs again and smiles brightly at the two of them in turn. "I'm sorry – I got a little carried away. It's great to meet you Nick. I'm just glad to hear that you're making Veronica happy. She's got very high standards, which I'm sure you realize."

"Oh, she does," he teases with a grin. "But after four years, I think I've finally figured out the secret to keeping her – and all women – happy."

"Really?" Logan asks, a conspiratorial grin on his features and a lighthearted sparkle in his eyes. "Care to share?"

"It's all about keeping them happy between the sheets," he returns with a smirk, and Veronica can't help but roll her eyes.

"If my father had overheard you say that, you'd be running for your life right now," she warns, ignoring her confused subconscious after his uncharacteristic remark. Generally speaking, Nick is sincere and straightforward. He's considerate of her feelings, and he knows how uncomfortable she is talking about their sex life in private, let alone in public.

Pushing that thought from her mind, she continues on. "Even if he knows that I'm not as pure as he likes to pretend I am, my sex life is one thing I'm sure he'd prefer not to learn anything about."

"Fair enough," Nick responds, kissing her softly on the lips. "Mum's the word, I promise. Nice meeting you, Logan," he concludes with a nod of his head.

"Nice meeting you too, Nick," Logan returns with a grin.

"I'll see you at the reception, honey," he says by way of parting before stealing one last, quick kiss. Veronica watches him walk away and is surprised to realize that Nick was the last in the line.

"Thank God that's done," she says with a sigh of relief. "I've never been so bored in my life. All this mindless schmoozing is one thing I most definitely do _not_ miss about Neptune."

Logan looks at her as he leads her inside to take all the necessary photographs and to sign the papers as the witnesses to the wedding, and she sees something in his eyes. She can't quite distinguish what it is, and she's sad to note that she clearly doesn't know him as well as she once did. Of course, she could hardly expect things to remain unchanged after so many years apart.

She does have a month's vacation to spend in California before she needs to return to her job in New York, though. She wants to spend time some of that time with Logan – if he's willing – to get to know him again.

Even with all the time that has passed between them without communication, she's amazed by how easily she and Logan have fallen back into their comfortable rapport. It's not too hard to believe that he'll want to spend time with her as well, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you're enjoying this piece - I'm having a lot of fun writing it. All ramblings aside, I would *love* to hear what you think - good, bad, ugly. And on the topic of *not* ugly, in case anyone is curious, Noah Spencer looks like the absolutely delicious Jensen Ackles - a shout-out to a friend (lizzelda) who has been a fabulous fanfiction friend in multiple fandoms. (and, no, not actually in any fandoms in which JAckles was actually involved) And now I'm rambling again.
> 
> Since some have asked, Nick - Veronica's boyfriend - is being modeled after Bruce Michael Hall.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! :)


	4. Only Hope, Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one thinks that they've lost their way, hope will be there to lead them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [](http://lizzelda.livejournal.com/profile)[**lizzelda**](http://lizzelda.livejournal.com/) and [](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/profile)[**sarah_p**](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/) for their mad beta skills :)

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. – Epicurus_

After posing for a seemingly endless amount of photographs, as is all-but required for a wedding of such grandeur, Veronica is escorted to the reception with the rest of the wedding party. The stretch limo is comfortable but far too extravagant for her taste. Still, it's fitting for the Kane wedding party to be ferried in such a manner, and Veronica doesn't care enough to object.

She still would have preferred to drive herself.

Instead, she's relaxing against the plush seats, surrounded by a whole gaggle of people she barely even knows – not counting Duncan and Logan, of course. Duncan, however, is focusing solely on his new bride, and Logan is chatting with a pretty young thing seated beside him. Would he ever learn? He has a _family_ for Christ's sake.

No, that's not fair. Sure, Logan has a family, but that doesn't mean that he can't talk with another woman. Hell, while the photographer was hard at work, he'd kept her entertained with a running commentary of his impressions of the remainder of the wedding party. Apparently, despite his continuing friendship with Duncan, Logan only knows as much about these people as she does.

She can't begrudge him the company of other women. Sure, if she and Logan were married – an alternate reality that Veronica can't even begin to imagine – then she would have the right to do so.

The strange thing is, she's not an overly jealous girlfriend by nature – not with Nick now, not with Duncan or Casey before, not with any man ever. Of course, she logically only dates men that she can trust. Maybe that's where this strange current of disdain is coming from. Veronica pities Logan's wife, seeing as how not even their marriage vows will keep her at the forefront of his mind.

Or maybe he's matured enough so that he can spend time with a woman without contemplating the various ways to get in her pants. Maybe that's what the problem is – Veronica is having trouble reconciling this Logan, who finally has peace in his life, with the one she remembers.

He used to need her – to talk to, to lean on – and now, not only has he survived seven years without her, but he seems to have flourished. And that hurts.

It shouldn't. She should be happy for him, overjoyed that he's finally managed to find a way to overcome all the hardships in his life, but she instead feels unnecessary, unimportant, irrelevant.

And this is exactly why she hates having as much downtime as she's had at Duncan's wedding. It gives her time to think. It _forces_ her to think, which makes her far too introspective, especially when she's here, in Neptune.

When the limo finally pulls to a stop, she moves to climb out and is surprised to see Logan standing just outside the door, waiting to help her exit the car smoothly. She gladly takes his outstretched offering, and her surprise only grows as he walks with her into the Neptune Country Club, his hand on the small of her back, guiding her up the front steps and through the plate glass doors.

She shoots him a curious look, which causes him to immediately distance himself from her personal space. However, the sudden absence of his warm hand breaks her concentration – not that she was really thinking too hard about walking anyhow – and she stumbles slightly on the hardwood floor. Instantly, Logan's arm is on her waist, catching her before she can make a scene and helping her to her feet.

"Drunk already, Mars?" he whispers softly in her ear, and she laughs quietly in response.

"You wish, Echolls."

The pair enters the hall reserved for the reception, and she's surprised to notice that people are already seated. She catches Nick's gaze from across the room and flashes him a quick smile. She wishes she had a chance to talk to him before dinner, but from the way Duncan and Angela and the rest of the wedding party are heading directly for the head table, there isn't time. He slyly blows a kiss in her direction, and she blushes, hoping that no one else saw.

"And now I know who wears the pants in your relationship," Logan murmurs, pulling out her chair.

"I'm wearing a dress, dumbass," she returns, smoothing out the skirt of her gown as she takes her seat.

Logan doesn't respond, but the smirk playing on his lips tells her that he knows just as well as she does that he's won this round.

Once everyone is seated, the speeches begin. Angela's father starts, waxing poetic about how his little girl is all grown up, and how he's never seen her any happier than she was today, with Duncan.

Jake stands next and talks about how pleased he is to see Duncan with the woman who is right for him. He mentions Lilly in passing, and Veronica's eyes meet Logan's. Lilly would have made this celebration an event to remember, without a doubt.

During Logan's speech, he says the usual best man mumbo jumbo – at first. But then he says something that is deep and insightful – definitely more so than Veronica expected for a seemingly pedestrian speech such as this one.

"A few years ago, I got some good advice from a friend," he begins, his gaze meeting Duncan's as a grin graces his features. "He told me that no matter how much I may want to make someone love me, it just couldn't be done. You can't make someone love you. I know that's common sense, but when you're in love, you can't always accept obvious things like that. He also told me that the only thing that I could do is to make myself into someone that could be loved.

"A love like the one that Duncan and Angela share doesn't come along every day, and I know they will have a wonderful life together is because each of them is exactly the sort of person that the other wants and needs in their life."

Veronica knows that's something that Duncan must have told Logan at some point, probably when he met Esperanza's mother. She has to admit that he's right – it's excellent advice, and perhaps it helped Logan turn into the relatively well-adjusted man he is now.

He raises his glass towards the bridal couple before taking his seat, and Veronica is glad that she doesn't have to give a speech. Following something like that would be difficult, and his speech would be next to impossible to top. Not that wedding toasts are about "winning," per se, but the desire to one-up Logan at anything and everything is still thriving.

"We'd like to thank all of you for sharing our special day," Duncan begins, standing now and gazing adoringly at his beautiful bride. "Dinner will be served shortly, but before we get started, Angela and I have made a slight amendment to the typical glass clinking tradition. We'd like to invite each of you to share in the celebration of our love. We will kiss each time you tap your glass, but we also ask that you kiss someone special to you at your own table."

A hushed murmuring filled the reception hall at his unexpected announcement, and a mischievous grin spreads across Duncan's face. "And, from the looks of things, the first course will be out shortly. I'd like to finish by toasting all of you – our friends and family. It is because of you, and the impact that you've had on our lives, that we've made it here today." With that, he clinks his own glass and pulls Angela in for a kiss before sitting down again.

"I think it's cheating to clink your own class, dude," Logan informs him with a sly smile, from his seat just to Duncan's left.

"Someone's gotta get this party started," Duncan returns, and Veronica couldn't hide her grin, even if she'd wanted to. _This_ is one of the things she missed about Neptune, about childhood – the easy camaraderie that the boyhood friends once shared. Now if only Wallace were up here, particularly if he were sitting in Angela's place and it were just the four of them, then it would really be like old times.

She sits back and enjoys the many courses of the fine meal that are laid before her. She doesn't socialize too much – Angela is kept far too busy between eating and having to kiss Duncan and the bridesmaids to her right are more interested in talking amongst themselves. Not that she blames them, honestly. After all, they know each other, and Angela even, better than she does.

So instead she watches the crowd clustered at round tables before her and is amused by the pairs of people who are clinking their glasses and kissing so as to make the bridal pair kiss. Wallace and Jamie, Casey and Susie, Dick and Madison. It makes her wish that she and Nick were seated at the same table so that she could partake in the tradition as well.

And then a loud clinking and actual audible cheering and clapping sounds out through the hall, and Veronica looks up to see her _parents_ standing. She hopes that they'll just kiss each other chastely on the lips and be done with it, but from the broad smiles of everyone else seated at their table, that's not likely.

Her dad brushes his fingers over her mom's paisley scarf before pulling her towards him and running his hands down to her waist. And then he's dipping her, which she has to admit is a pretty suave move, and the cheering just grows louder. After what seems like an eternity as Veronica can feel her cheeks color in embarrassment, they finally return to their seats, and everyone turns to see how Duncan and Angela respond to _that_.

It's highly anticlimactic, and Veronica doesn't blame Duncan and Angela for electing not to try to one-up that demonstration. Her gaze meets Logan's from down the table as they're both watching the couple seated between them. She can read the question in his eyes, and she feels a rush of happiness as she realizes that their old wordless communication has been restored – to some extent at least.

_You want to clink your glass, kiss me?_

She does want to clink her glass, so she can be involved in the celebration, so she can make Duncan kiss Angela. She knows that Logan knows that and probably wants that too. But does she want to kiss Logan, in front of all these people, in front of Nick? Her eyes flit across the room, searching out the man who she should answer to above all else. She tilts her head in the direction of her high school friend and mimics tapping her glass, hoping her request is clear in her eyes. He knows what she's asking, and he nods slightly, and she feels as if a mysterious weight has been lifted off her shoulders.

She glances at Logan who raises an eyebrow as he waits for confirmation. She doesn't nod or even grin or give any sort of nonverbal confirmation. Instead she lifts her knife and taps it gently against her wine glass. Duncan turns towards the sound in surprise – clearly not expecting her to kiss someone who isn't Nick.

Things between her and Logan though are different, special even. Generally speaking, she doesn't go around kissing her friends – after all, in almost ten years of knowing Wallace, she has never kissed him. Of course, with Wallace, and with their parents' marriage, he's more like her brother than anything else – regardless of her biological paternity.

Besides, she has kissed Logan before – something Nick most certainly doesn't know anything about and has no _need_ to know anything about. Nothing happened there, after all. Despite whatever hopes she may have had of them trying to develop something across state lines and time zones or even during school breaks, it was almost as if he'd dropped off the face of the earth given the lack of contact she had from him. Nothing _real_ had ever happened between them, and nothing would, so why make a big deal out of nothing?

She's only kissing him now because he's the only one at the head table that she really knows and because she wants to do this on Duncan's special day.

So she stands, and Logan stands, and he walks towards her, and Veronica almost feels as if time is slowing down around them.

He's there, standing directly before her, close enough that she can smell his musky scent, so close that she can almost taste his kiss already. She still remembers his kiss from her nineteenth birthday party – almost against her will, honestly. The spicy taste of his mouth, his warm breath on her neck, the lines of fire his fingertips trace across her skin.

And then it's happening all over again, and Veronica feels herself mentally transported to the California beach. She can almost smell the sea salt all around them, even though it's logistically impossible.

She's nineteen years old again, nervous about going away to school across the country but still conscious of the fact that this is something that she needs, so that she can discover who she really is. She doesn't want to go away and leave behind everything and everyone she knows. She especially doesn't want to leave behind this man who has come to mean so much to her over the past few years.

And then Logan's stepping back, moving away, and she's twenty-six again. She notices the absence of his warmth around her and, more consciously, the now lack of support she has keeping her upright.

She stumbles a bit on her way back to her seat, unable to believe that Logan still has this sort of effect on her, even now, even after seven years.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone for their encouragement and feedback. I'm so happy to hear that this fic has been so well-received - despite some of the aspects about it which may be a bit more cliched in nature. Hopefully, I'm breaking the mold when it comes to how _said cliches are generally executed._
> 
> _Thanks for reading - feedback is always appreciated. :)_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one thinks that they've lost their way, hope will be there to lead them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to [](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/profile)[**sarah_p**](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/) for her mad beta skills. Any errors within are mine.
> 
> Many thanks, also, to my loyal readers who still haven't given up hope that I'll finish this beast one day, maybe, eventually. Your faith means so much to me. ♥

**CHAPTER FIVE**

_I hope that you're happy  
You really deserve it  
This'll be best for us both in the end_  
-"Hope You're Happy" by Dashboard Confessional

She struggles to maintain her footing, not wanting to show Logan or Nick or anyone just how much a simple kiss has affected her. She's Veronica Mars, after all. She doesn't get bowled over that easily.

Veronica resumes her seat and seeks out Nick. She dreads his reaction, expecting him to notice the effect Logan's kiss had on her. She'd thought the kiss would be simple, hardly worth remembering. Until she'd seen Logan again, she hardly thought of their one and only kiss from years ago.

But all that is irrelevant now. Because she's here, and Logan's here, and she can't go back in time and undo the mistake she just made.

But then she meets Nick's eyes, and he smiles at her as if nothing is wrong. She smiles back, but she knows her smile is brittle, weak, just like the walls she'd built after Lilly's death; the same walls she refortified after Logan cut her out of his life.

Her eyes sweep the room, and she's surprised to notice that everyone appears to be oblivious to what just happened. Her world has been tipped on its axis, and she’s the only one to notice.

Then her gaze falls on Wallace, and she's forced to amend her statement. He still can read her better than most. Her eyes meet his, and she tries to ignore the question staring back at her.

Should she be happy that Nick didn’t notice the underlying emotion in the kiss that she and Logan shared? Or should she be upset that her best friend knows her better than her boyfriend of almost four years?

But that question isn't the one that's weighing heavily on her mind, not really. No, instead, she can't stop thinking about the one written plainly on Wallace's face:

_What the hell are you doing, Veronica?_

If only she knew.

***

For the rest of dinner, Veronica contemplates her transformation from an overly optimistic teenager into the jaded woman that she is now is. Logan's terrorization in high school almost broke her once, and after he severed ties between them, it took complete and total focus on her schoolwork to keep from falling apart.

Honestly, one of the reasons she tried so hard to forget their teenage kiss is probably because she knows that no matter what her feelings for other men both before and after Logan, his kiss set him apart from the rest. Few men would be able to match the ability he has to make her forget her surroundings by pulling her into a completely different world. He was able make the rest of the world fade away, which is something that she hasn't experienced with anyone else, ever.

Sometimes that's a good thing – like when she's had a horrible day at work and she just wants to forget everything, she wishes that she could move outside the world, just for a little while. And Logan, Logan and his irresistible, tantalizing, hypnotizing kisses, could help her do just that.

But most of the time, she's _glad_ that Nick doesn't have that same ability. Veronica's the sort of person who always needs to know exactly what she's doing and why. She likes having that sense of control over herself.

The control that, apparently, Logan and his kisses can wrest away from her with minimal effort.

Point being, she's with Nick because he's right for her, because she loves him. She likes being in control of her decisions, and of herself. She who she is when she's with Nick. Most of all, she likes the complementary pair they make – _together_.

***

After the cutting of the cake, Veronica makes a beeline for Nick. She's glad that she's here and that he's here with her. She knows that today couldn't have been much fun for him. Being surrounded by people he doesn't know, or who he’s only met very briefly was probably _not_ his idea of a good time.

"How are you doing?" she asks, moving to kiss him gently on the cheek.

He angles his head to catch her lips with his own. "Better, now that you're here."

"Sorry. You must be going crazy."

"It's okay. There were numerous of psychologically troubling interpersonal interactions to keep me occupied."

She laughs softly, settling herself in his lap. "I should have figured you'd keep yourself busy with work." A comfortable silence falls between them as she reflects on how easy things are with Nick and how much she loves him.

"I think I'm going to get a drink. You want anything?"

Nick shrugs and settles back in his chair, "Anything's fine."

She kisses him quickly before heading to the open bar. If she enjoyed alcohol more, this would be very, very tempting.

"Can I get a Guinness and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc?" The bartender acknowledges her request with a nod.

"How's New York treating you, Veronica?" a familiar voice asks, ordering himself two glasses of Merlot.

"It's going well, Casey. I'm an assistant to Geoffrey McJackson. He’s the top photographer at the _New York Times_ , so I'm learning a lot about photography. It's a really great experience for me."

"It's boring as hell isn't it?" he guesses, a grin playing on his lips.

She smiles and shakes her head in disbelief – Casey had always been able to read between the lines and understand what she doesn't say. "Yeah, it is. At first it wasn’t so bad, but I know I'm ready for more than polishing lenses and carrying cameras and being an all-purpose messenger girl.

"Still, I have some great networking opportunities since Geoffrey knows a number of elite photographers and publishers. Besides, being on location for all the top news events is exciting.” She grinned. “It reminds me of my private eye days."

"Veronica, you do realize that _I_ am the head of a fairly well-known and well-respected publishing company, right? If you're looking for a job as a real photographer, I could certainly use your skills here."

She regarded him silently for a moment, eyebrow raised. "I can’t. I don’t want you to think that I don't appreciate the offer because I do, but I need to know that I have what I do because I've earned it. I mean, I'm Jake Kane’s step-daughter. Even if I don't play that card, how will I know if I got a job because I'm Veronica Mars: photographer, or if it's because I'm Veronica Mars: daughter?"

"Because you're Veronica Mars, the hot private dick who's a sex-mah – "

"Finish that sentence, and I'll hurt you," she swears, biting back a laugh, unable to keep a wide smile from stretching across her face.

"I'm sorry," he says, with a minimal amount of actual sincerity, if his grin is any indication. "I wouldn't offer you a position if I didn't think that you were capable, Veronica. I'm always on the lookout for new talent, and I know from past experience that you can do anything you set your mind to."

Her mind flashes back to previous situations between them – generally with nothing more than a sheet, if that, between them – and feels the heat rise in her cheeks. She has to admit that he _does_ have first-hand knowledge of just how quickly she can pick up new skills, given the right teacher.

He catches her eye, reads her expression, and flushes as well. "Oh, shit, Veronica, I didn't mean _that_. I meant the PI stuff that you did with your dad in high school. Besides, I already know you're an excellent photographer."

"Thanks, Casey," she responds, taking a rather large sip of her wine as she tries to regain her composure. "Anyway, I have more than just a job in New York. I've been seeing Nick for almost four years, and I have a life there that I'd miss if I moved back here."

He nods agreeably, and thinks for a moment. "Sometimes I have business in the New York area. Would you be at all interested in doing some freelance work from time to time? I can't make any promises about regularity, but you'd save me a hell of a lot of money on travel costs. I hate hiring unknowns, and like I said, I don't do enough work there to keep anyone on salary out there."

"It would be nice to actually take pictures again," she admits hesitantly, more excited about Casey's offer than she wants to confess to either him or herself. "It would depend on my schedule though – I can't just blow off work for a freelance assignment on a whim, you realize."

Casey reaches into his suit coat and offers a business card. "Most arrangements are made weeks ahead of time, although some last minute things do come up occasionally. I'll let you know if I have something for you, and you can let me know what your schedule looks like."

"Sounds like a plan," Veronica agrees, digging around in her purse for a business card of her own. She quickly scribbles her cell number on the back and hands it to him with a grin, placing his card in her purse. "Thanks, Casey."

"Anytime. I look forward to working with you in the future, Ms. Mars."

She struggles to hold in a laugh at the mock-seriousness of both his expression and his tone of voice as she responds in kind, "Likewise, Mr. Gant."

She walks back to Nick and passes him his beer. She takes the seat beside him, allowing one hand to slip into her purse and finger the embossing on Casey's business card. She didn't read it too closely before, intent on appearing professional, not wanting to make it clearer than she already had just how miserable she is in her mundane assistantship.

She imagines what the words might say. Or, more precisely, what they should say.

  
**Casey Gant  
Gant Publications, Inc.  
Chief Executive Officer  
Savior**   


***

Some time later, long after the bridal couple's first dance, Veronica looks to her left and sees Duncan sitting across the table. He must have slipped in just a few minutes ago – or so she tells herself, to reassure herself that she hasn't lost her touch when it comes to noticing little things like that.

She hopes.

"Hey, little brother," she greets him with a grin, trying not to think about the fact that she’s only a few months older than he is. "How’re you doing?"

"Great. I'm doing great. I don't know if I've ever been this happy," he responds with a brilliant smile. After evaluating her for a moment, he asks, "What's going on, Veronica?"

She mentally debates whether it’s worth getting into everything now, _here_ , before she moves forward, treading lightly. "I was surprised to see Logan here," she begins mildly. "I had no idea you two were still in touch."

Duncan grimaces and dodges her gaze for a moment. After inhaling deeply, he meets her eyes again. "We never lost contact after high school, even though there were a few months where I didn't hear from him at all. And, before you ask, I didn't tell you because you didn't ask."

"That's a hell of a cop-out, Duncan," she grumbles, hating the thought that jumps into her mind at his words – that maybe if she hadn't given up on Logan after a few months, they might still be close today.

"To be honest," she concedes, "it was more than finding out that you and Logan are still close. I mean, he's a _father_ now. Logan. I still can hardly believe it. But he seems so happy and so proud of his little girl."

"Really?" Duncan questions in surprise. "I knew he'd be a good father from the moment he told me his girlfriend was pregnant. He was understandably scared out of his mind, but after Esperanza was born, it was like a switch flipped inside of him. As he tells it, when he looked in on her in the nursery, he knew that his fear was nothing more than a distraction. He'll do whatever it takes to take care of her."

"No, I get that. It's clear as day how much he adores her," Veronica agrees. "I just didn't see any sign of his latent paternal nature before, in high school."

Duncan gives her a skeptical look. "He's always been pretty protective of the people he cares about. Especially after … " Duncan trails off, still unable to say Lilly's name, even after all these years. "I mean, you remember what happened after you got hurt on the McNamara stakeout."

"Oh, God," she groans. "Don't remind me. After I fell off of that scaffolding and broke my ankle, he _insisted_ on tagging along every time I went on a stakeout or did any casework outside the office for the next four months.” She laughed. “I even tried to sneak away a few times, but he always managed to figure out what I was doing, and where I was going, and take me to task for it. I got lectured by _Logan_ , of all people, about responsibility, Duncan. Not exactly my brightest moment."

Still, no matter how much it may have bothered her to have Logan constantly checking up on her, it had been sorta nice. Having Logan watching out for her made her feel a bit safer – especially before she was one-hundred percent recovered. Of course, she had still refused to admit that she needed more backup than Back-Up, especially on her more dangerous cases. Instead, she'd complained and snarked at him – it wouldn't do to tell him that she appreciated his concern, would it?

"Logan made a lot of bad choices, Veronica, but I wouldn't really call him irresponsible. You remember that Child Development project, don't you?"

"The egg thing?" Veronica asks, thinking back to the 'baby girl' that she and Logan had 'raised' together during the second semester of their senior year. He'd doted on Emily Echolls and took his parenting responsibilities to the point of calling Veronica regularly when she was watching the baby girl. Egg. Whatever.

She'd dismissed it then as Logan just trying to get under her skin in as many ways as possible, but now she can't help but wonder if he had been looking for someone to care for, even then.

"It looks like the father-daughter dance is done," Duncan says as he scoots his chair away from the table. "I'm going to dance with Angela, but we'll talk later, okay?"

"Sounds great, Duncan. Thanks." She watches him walk towards his bride before searching for her boyfriend in the throng of guests. He's talking with her father, but he quickly makes his excuses and returns to her side.

"Would you like to dance, Veronica?" Nick asks, offering her his hand.

"I'd love to," she agrees, smiling at the fact that they were on the same wavelength.

They sway slowly on the dance floor, enjoying the song chosen by the deejay. Veronica looks around and is embarrassed to see her parents dancing, entertained to see Casey and Wallace and their dates organizing some sort of improvisational line dance to this slow ballad, and amused to see Esperanza perched on the toes of Logan's likely expensive shoes as they 'dance' around the room. Of course, money isn't something an Echolls needs to worry about, so she can see why he isn't troubled over the resultant wear and tear to his remarkably shiny shoes.

"That Logan seems like a good guy," Nick whispers into her ear, after noticing that she’s staring at him and his daughter.

She blushes and meets Nick's eyes rather than searching Logan's dancing form for clues as to how she had missed so much of her friend's character years ago. "I'm sorry, honey. It's just, seeing him so happy with his little girl … It makes _sense_ , I guess, but it's not something I really expected."

"Well, from the looks of the smile on her face and the size of her bag of toys, he's a good father," he responds, nodding in the direction of Leticia Navarro, who removes her knitting needles from a side pocket as Logan and Esperanza continue their dance.

"I’m sure he is," Veronica agrees, moving closer to her boyfriend and resting her head against his broad chest. Her eyes flutter closed as she revels in the sensations that engulf her. The sandalwood scent of Nick's aftershave, the warm heat of his familiar body, and the joyful shrieks of a young girl. Probably Esperanza.

She opens her eyes and sees the girl's legs swinging all about now, as Logan has gathered her into his arms and is twirling her around the dance floor.

"I’m flying, Daddy!" she whoops, and Veronica can't hide the smile that tugs at her features. Yes, the girl's voice is shrill, to say the least, but her enthusiasm is refreshing.

Relative quiet descends upon the dance floor again; Veronica is cognizant only of the strumming guitar music, murmuring voices, and the shuffling of feet. Her eyelids drift shut yet again, and she allows herself to get lost in the music and in the arms of the one she loves.

Even when the music fades into nothing, she and Nick continue to move together. It's easy and comfortable – just the way she likes it.

A tugging on her dress brings her to a stop, and she wonders if she accidentally stepped on her skirt, or if maybe Nick did. And then her eyes open, revealing a dark-haired pixie looking up at her with wide brown eyes.

"My daddy needs to dance with his 'peshal friend now," Esperanza informs her solemnly, almost as if Veronica has no say in the matter. However, judging from the way Nick easily releases her from his embrace and escorts the little girl over to Leticia, she apparently doesn't get to make this decision.

"If you wanted to dance with me, Logan, you could have just asked," Veronica says as he takes her hands in his, and they start to move to the faster beat of the new song.

"This wasn't my idea," he insists. "It was all Esperanza. She likes you, Veronica, and she told me that she wants to see me dance like a grown-up."

He glances over his shoulder at the ever-growing pile of high-heeled shoes accumulating at the side of the dance floor. "Of course, if you need to stand on my shoes, or you need me to hoist you up to my eye-level, that could be arranged."

She rolls her eyes and swats him on the arm. "Ass. Let's see if you can keep up with me," she challenges, everything she learned in all those dance classes their foursome took together coming back to her.

She could handle this – it was just _one_ dance after all. Besides, she knows that she can out-dance Logan any day. Whenever they'd danced together at the Prom or at Homecoming, she'd always been able to move faster than him and was always able to out-step him. He claimed it was because she had such short little legs, she remembers with a grin.

She'd dance circles around him now and show him just how fast her short little legs can still move.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, with WIPs, I usually like to try to write at least one chapter ahead of where I'm posting. Gives me more wiggle room, in case I end up on a tangent I didn't expect. Anyhow, I've had this chapter written for about 11 months now, and I figured that since I'm not making much progress right now, I should probably post it. [Of course, going through [](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/profile)[**sarah_p**](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/) 's beta, I got back in the groove and got to writing the next chapter ... Surprisingly enough, that got finished today. I have a crazy week this week, so I probably won't have time to go through the beta notes until the weekend, but - HOPEFULLY - I'll have something new to post next weekend. I do promise not to hold onto it for another year though. :D]
> 
> Many thanks to my flist for being fabulous about helping me decide what to call the egg project class. [I had Sexual Health and Parenting in my original draft which Sarah, understandably, objected to.] Most people said Child Development, so I ended up going with that, but I have to admit to adoring [](http://lex-83.livejournal.com/profile)[**lex_83**](http://lex-83.livejournal.com/)'s response of "Parenting 101: How Not to Fuck Up Your Kids." I don't know if most high schools would allow obscenities in class names, but I think that's about the perfect name, right? ;)
> 
> Anyhow, enough with my rambling. I know I still haven't really addressed the big question on most of your minds - who is Esperanza's mother? However, I PROMISE that that gets at least partially answered [i.e. we learn at least her name] in the next chapter.
> 
> And, hey, the more you get me thinking about the fic - questions about things that don't make sense/you want to know more about, things you liked/didn't like/whatever - the more likely I am to be in the right mood to work on this piece some more. :)
> 
> So, yes, please let me know what you thought - good, bad, or indifferent. Thanks again for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one thinks that they've lost their way, hope will be there to lead them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to [](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/profile)[**sarah_p**](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/) for her mad beta skills. Any errors within are mine.
> 
> Thanks also to [](http://afrocurl.livejournal.com/profile)[**afrocurl**](http://afrocurl.livejournal.com/) , [](http://bfragrant.livejournal.com/profile)[**bfragrant**](http://bfragrant.livejournal.com/) , and [](http://verycleanindeed.livejournal.com/profile)[**verycleanindeed**](http://verycleanindeed.livejournal.com/)

**CHAPTER SIX**

_Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.  
-Anonymous _

The fast-paced swing beat has Logan and Veronica stepping swiftly forward and back, moving with surprising synchronicity from side to side. They haven't danced together in years, but their nonverbal communication is still top-notch. She allows him to twirl her into spins, able to see what he’s planning on a face she can still read so well.

When the song comes to an end, Logan twirls her again and again and _again_ until she's dizzy and completely off-balance. When he finally stops, she only keeps from stumbling by using his strong arms to brace herself. As the soft strains of a more soothing beat fill the air, Veronica naturally relaxes further into Logan's embrace.

"Another dance?" he asks, and she nods without thinking twice. She _does_ need to catch her breath, after all, and she finally has her opportunity to find out more about Logan's family.

"Esperanza's adorable." She knows she's stating the obvious, but she loves the proud, paternal smile that spreads across his face.

"Yeah, she's my little angel."

"She certainly doesn't get her good looks from you," she teases, and he smirks in response.

It's a lie, and they both know it. She's not about to tell him that, if anything, he's better looking now than he was in high school. He's still got the same charismatic grin and engaging brown eyes, and he's finally lost that cloud of danger and self-destruction that had seemed to follow him everywhere.

"Does she take after her mother?" she probes.

"We have some of Cara's baby pictures at home. They look so alike it's unbelievable."

"I have to admit, I was a bit surprised when I first met Esperanza." Logan can't hold in his snort of disbelief at what he probably considers to be the understatement of the century, so she raises a querulous eyebrow in response. "What?"

"A _little_ surprised? Veronica, if your jaw had dropped any more, you would have been indistinguishable with the prehistoric pygmies."

"You're such a jackass sometimes," she admonishes, but her words lack venom. She pauses before asking how he met Cara.

"Be honest, Veronica. What you're really wondering is how I ended up hearing the pitter-patter of little feet, right?" At her nod, a knowing grin spreads across his face. "To be honest, when Cara first told me she was pregnant, I was freaking out. Once it sunk in, I tried to do the right thing and propose, but she turned me down."

"Ooooh," Veronica responds, a teasing glint in her eyes. "So there actually _is_ a woman who's resistant to the dangerous Echolls charm?"

"Hardly the point, Veronica." Logan responds, his normally expressive eyes lacking their usual fire. "About two months before she was due, she was in a car accident. Middle of winter, icy roads … It was, uh … It was pretty bad. I got called down to the hospital, and they did an emergency C-section to try to save Esperanza."

Veronica inwardly winces, feeling terrible about the insensitive jab she'd aimed at Logan moments earlier. Here he is, opening up to her, telling her about his life like she'd asked, and she can't stop letting out the typical snarky comments, which are hardly appropriate in this sort of situation,

She'll do or say anything to maintain her much-cherished emotional distance – especially around Logan.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "So, so sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Veronica." She's not just apologizing out of sympathy, and from the look in his eyes, he knows it. The words lie unspoken between them, and his unequivocal shrug tells her that he understands why she tried to fall back on their usual banter.

"It was early – Cara wasn’t even thiry weeks along when she got in the accident, so Esperanza spent her first three and a half weeks in the neonatal ICU. Those were the longest days of my life. Cara was gone, and I was so damn afraid. But I had hope – that she'd be okay, that I'd be a good father. Cara was second-generation Mexican-American, so I named her Esperanza. We'd never talked about what we'd call her, but that just felt _right_ , you know?"

"It's perfect, Logan, and I'm sure Cara would agree."

"Thanks." His smile isn't as confident as usual, but if anything, it looks more genuine, more real. This sentimental side of Logan is one Veronica certainly isn't accustomed to seeing, and it almost makes her a bit uncomfortable.

This is Logan _Echolls_ after all. The king of sarcasm and wit. And instead of acting like the Logan she remembers and the Logan she spent time with earlier that morning, he's steadily meeting her eyes with an expression that is completely unnerving.

***

Veronica lowers her eyes after a few moments, and Logan knows that she's uncomfortable with the direction their conversation has taken. He knows as well as she does that he's changed. To her, though, the changes are a more sudden shock when compared with the gradual evolution he experienced.

Definitely time to talk about something else, something that will make Veronica relax again.

She's looking to the side now, probably wondering what her boyfriend's up to. Last Logan checked, he was talking with Mr. Mars. Probably making nice with the father of his girlfriend.

He honestly doesn’t know what to make of Nick. Something about the guy bothers him, but he apparently makes Veronica happy – and that's what matters. After everything she went through in high school, it's about time that things go her way.

"Mrs. Navarro really has a way with kids, doesn't she?" Veronica asks, pulling him from his introspective evaluation.

"Why else do you think I enticed her out of retirement?" Logan responds with a grin, shoving the deeper thoughts from his mind. Time to make their conversation more light-hearted; time to put Veronica more at ease. "There's no one else I'd trust with my little girl, and I always thought of her like my own mother."

"Which, what, would make Weevil like your brother?" she teases, mischief dancing in her eyes.

"Well, actually … " he begins softly before trailing off. When he sees Veronica's resultant jaw drop, he feels a surge of victory.

"No," she responds in disbelief. "Not – Weevil? And _Trina_?"

Logan bites his lip, hoping that she's too surprised by the conclusion she's drawn to look too closely at his own expression. Once he's sure he's got his own internal amusement under control, he nods and is rewarded with seeing Veronica's eyes widen in absolute shock.

He can't hold it in any longer. It’s simply an impossible feat. He thought he'd be able to hold out a little longer, but with Veronica mimicking a blonde-haired bug looking for its next meal, he simply _can’t_.

He laughs and laughs and laughs, unable to stop even after Veronica replaces her look of shock with one of annoyance. "I'm sorry," he gets out, breathless now. "I just – your _face_ ," he tries to explain.

Veronica rolls her eyes as Logan takes a few deep breaths and tries to calm himself down. "Ass," she says while swatting his arm lightly.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes, more contrite now that he's managed to get ahold of himself. "I just, I never even thought about that, and the fact that you'd even _ask_ – it was too good of an opportunity to pass up."

"Fine. Take advantage of the girl who's been out of town for most of the last seven years. Still picking on the underdog, Echolls?"

"Anyone who considers you to be the underdog clearly doesn't know you that well, Mars."

From the look she aims at him, he knows that Veronica isn't used to having people challenge her anymore. He can't understand that – he almost enjoys seeing sparks fly in Veronica's eyes more than having her tremble under his touch.

Key word being _almost_. He might love getting her all riled up, but he’s still a man.

"No, Trina's still sleeping her way through Hollywood, following in my dad's footsteps. Weevil actually owns an auto repair shop."

She raises an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"You remember Carmen, right?" At her nod, he continues, "They're married now – really happy with two little boys. Anyhow, Carmen's grandfather started up this garage in Santa Ana after he came to the US. When he was ready to retire, he offered it to Weevil. He goes by Eli now, though. Makes him sound more professional or something, he says. Doesn't stop Felix from yelling for 'Weevil' at the garage, but he tries."

"Felix is working for Weevil now?" Veronica's smile widens, and Logan's glad for it. "He always did like following Weevil around, didn't he?"

"Old habits die hard," he agrees.

The song draws to a close, and he releases his dancing partner. While it was good to catch up, if they spend too much time together, she's going to start asking questions he'd prefer to avoid.

"Thank you for the dance, milady." He bows cordially and tips an imaginary hat in her direction.

She shakes her head, eyes filled with mirth. "It was my pleasure, good sir."

He takes her arm to escort her back to her boyfriend, and she goes willingly. They're about twenty feet away when she turns her head towards him. "One more question, Logan."

His breath catches in his chest as he wonders how he's going to answer the question she's certain to ask.

She pauses, with the question he's dreading most certainly perched on the tip of her tongue. "Why weren't you at the rehearsal last night? Just think of all the fun we could have had!"

And then he’s able to breathe once more.

"Don't you mean all the _trouble_ we would have caused?" he teases, thankful that he's dodged the bullet – for the moment, at least.

She rolls her eyes. "Answer the damn question already, would you?"

"Esperanza's preschool had a talent show last night. She's been practicing her ballet routine with her friends for weeks, and she was so excited. I wouldn't have missed it for the world." His gaze searches the crowd for his young daughter, who looks to be showing off some of the aforementioned ballet moves to Wallace. "Besides, all I had to do today was walk down the aisle with you – and , believe it or not, but I've been walking for almost twenty-four years now."

"I'll have to see if I can persuade Esperanza to do her ballet routine for me sometime while I'm in town."

"You'll be around for a few more days then?" To say Logan is surprised is certainly an understatement. From what he heard from Duncan, she'd been back to Neptune only a handful of times since after graduation, none of them for any more than a long weekend. He'd figured that she would be on a plane back early the next morning.

"I have some vacation time coming to me, so I thought that as long as I was flying out here for Duncan's wedding, I'd spend some time with my family."

A pleased smile spreads across his face. "You’ll have to come out to our place sometime – dinner, followed by her performance?"

"Sounds like a plan," she affirms. "It's been great talking with you, Logan."

He nods in agreement, moving to scoop Esperanza into his arms. It'd been good to spend some time with Veronica. He hadn't realized he'd missed her so much until seeing her that morning.

Even now, he sometimes questions his decision to cut off communication with her. It was a difficult one, to say the least. He'd second-guessed himself repeatedly then, having started a good half-dozen responses to each of her inquiries that all went unsent.

It was for the best – for him and, honestly, for her as well. Not that she'd see it that way, of course. No, she'd be beyond pissed when he told her, but at least he'd escaped the hangman's noose for the time being.

She wanted to know. She _deserved_ to know. And he'd tell her. He would. Just, not here. Not now. Duncan's wedding reception shouldn't be marred by the all-out bitching that he'd get, that he'd deserve.

When she comes to dinner, whenever that will be, if he can get her alone, he'll tell her then.

She deserves to know. She does.

Just … not yet.

***

As much as she'd wanted to ask Logan The Question, she couldn’t. She'd been ready, but when she was poised to ask it, she saw the fear and resignation in his eyes and just hadn't been able to follow through with it. His look all but confirmed her suspicion that the answer wasn't one that she would be happy to hear, and she figured that bombshell could wait for another day.

She has a few more weeks in Neptune – plenty of time in which to get the answers she wants, that she needs. Lilly's death may have taught her that knowing the ‘why’ may not change anything, but she hopes hearing his reasons will help her deal with her continued confusion over his puzzling decision.

It's not like she really expected that anything would _happen_ between her and Logan, not with them going to two different colleges in two different time zones. But she had missed his friendship. She had missed _him_.

When she goes to his place for dinner, she'll get her answers or there will be hell to pay.

Still, it was nice to talk to Logan, to get a better picture of who he's become and what his life is like.

"Looking good out there, Mars."

She turns to see Wallace behind her. "And I noticed that you were getting a front-row seat to Esperanza's dancing feet."

"Girl's got skills." He places an arm over her shoulder, and motions to all that surrounds them. "Now, just think – if you moved back to California, all this could be yours."

"Just add it to the Pro/Con list you've been working on," she responds, elbowing him in the side.

"C'mon, Veronica. At least _pretend_ that it'll be hard for you to leave us all behind when you fly back to New York."

"It will be," she responds honestly. "But my job is there. My _life_ is there. It's not here, not anymore."

"You could find a job here, and so could Nick. Believe it or not, we do have universities here in California, and people do occasionally take pictures around these parts."

She knows he's right, but she likes her life in New York. She misses her family and friends, true enough, but she doesn't belong here. She considers telling him about Casey and his job offer but decides against it, knowing that it'll only make him even more persistent.

Her life is just that – _hers_. Any decisions about it are hers to make.

Changing the subject, Veronica fills him in on some of what Logan told her. He gets the abbreviated version, of course, allowing her to breeze through the story without thinking too much about what Logan has been through, about how he had been thrown into the fire, about the way his eyes had darkened with grief as he got further into his narrative.

Above all, she avoids focusing on how he had been able to not only survive but _thrive_ throughout it all – and without any help from her.

"So you didn't know about Esperanza?" Veronica asks, fairly confident that Wallace was as much in the dark as she was but wanting to be certain that she wouldn't have to kick his ass later.

He shakes his head. "Today's the first time I saw him since we went to college. I didn't have a clue."

"Figured as much. I had no idea Duncan was so good at keeping secrets."

Before Wallace can respond, Duncan takes the deejay's microphone to thank everyone for celebrating his and Angela’s special day with them. They're heading to the airport for their honeymoon, but first, Angela needs to throw the bouquet.

Veronica had half-hoped that she'd be able to escape taking part in this cheesy tradition, but Wallace insistently escorts her onto the dance floor as her family cheers him on. She doesn't want the damn bouquet, and she doesn't want to get married. Why should she be out here anyway? It would be better to leave these sorts of things to those who actually enjoy them, right?

Before she registers what's happening, she feels something hit her in the chest and instinctively reaches to grab it before it falls to the ground. Dully, she looks down and sees the bouquet in her hands. She wants to pass it off to someone else, to someone who actually _wants_ it, but it's Duncan's wedding, and he looks so damn happy that his sister just caught the bouquet. She can't ruin this for him; he means too much to her.

So instead she smiles and waves the bouquet of white roses high above her head. This isn't her finest moment, but she doesn't believe that bullshit about how she'll be the next to marry. It's not like it's any hardship to carry around a bunch of roses anyhow.

While the bachelors gather behind Duncan for the tossing of the garter, Veronica moves to the periphery of the crowd. Feeling a slight tugging at her dress, she looks down, not surprised to see Esperanza's cherubic face smiling up at her.

"Can I see the be-kay?"

Veronica is puzzled for a moment before realizing what the little girl wants. "Why don't you hold it?" she suggests, happily handing over the flowers and pulling the little girl into her arms. While she may not want kids of her own right now, or, well, ever, Esperanza is adorable enough for Veronica to enjoy spending time with her.

She thinks she'd make a good Aunt Veronica. That way, Wallace or Duncan can have all the grandchildren that her parents are so anxious for, and she can just spoil them with presents and hand them back to their parents whenever they start fussing. Seems like a win-win situation to her.

She hears raucous cheering – out of the ordinary for the upscale crowd attending Duncan's wedding. She moves closer to the action, half-expecting to see her friends wrestling over the garter.

Instead, she sees Logan holding the garter aloft with Duncan, Wallace, and Casey congratulating him on his catch. She smells a rat. A big one, who apparently took care to aim his throw in a particular direction. The question is, why?

Veronica can't understand why Duncan would want to go out of his way to make sure that she and Logan danced together. It's not like they didn't already dance earlier in the evening, and it's not like anything is going to happen between them, romantically, now.

She's happy with her life in New York with Nick. And Logan is happily settled here in California. No matter how adorable Esperanza is, Veronica is not ready or willing to get involved with _anyone_ who has children. Besides, it just wouldn't work between her and Logan anymore, no matter what the circumstances.

As the music starts up for the traditional dance, Veronica wonders if she'll be able to defer to Esperanza, letting her dance with her father. If the look in Duncan's eyes is any indication, that's a long shot. Resigned, she allows Logan to lead her around the dance floor in a simple waltz.

It's not that Logan's a bad dancer or that she doesn't enjoy dancing with him. Not at all. It's just … She's tired of the demands, of the pressure that she always feels thrust upon her here. That's a big reason why she has no interest in moving back to California, or Neptune in particular. She doesn't feel comfortable here, and she hasn’t really felt like she's belonged since Lilly died. The revelations regarding her fucked-up family situation really didn't make things any easier.

Her dream isn't traditional - not for Neptune at least. She doesn't want to stay at home and play Suzie Homemaker while her rich, successful husband goes off to work each day. She doesn't want the cozy home with the two-point-five kids and the white picket fence.

She wants to live her own life and have professional accomplishments of her own to be proud of.

God, she misses New York already. There, she's just one out of a few million, and her status as Jake Kane's daughter is hardly notable when there are _actual_ celebrities all around. She's able to be herself, Veronica Mars, and that's just the way she likes it.

As their dance draws to a close, she flashes Logan a weak smile. It's not his fault they were manipulated into this situation, and at least he was kind enough to dance with the heavy silence hanging between them, leaving her to focus on her thoughts.

"I'll get your bouquet from Esperanza before we leave," he promises as they leave the dance floor to say their goodbyes to the newlyweds.

"She'll enjoy it more than I will, Logan. Don't worry about it."  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear what you thought - what you loved, what surprised you, and what you're still dying to know! Of course, any predictions that you have are always welcome - not that I'll be giving anything away quite yet though. ;) [but, hey, at least one of your questions got answered, right? :D] And, of course, any problems or constructive criticism that you have are more than welcome as well.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it! :D  
> 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one thinks that they've lost their way, hope will be there to lead them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to [](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/profile)[**sarah_p**](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/) and [](http://delicatelight.livejournal.com/profile)[**delicatelight**](http://delicatelight.livejournal.com/) for their mad beta skills. Any errors within are mine.

**CHAPTER SEVEN**  
 _When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." - Author Unknown_

“Veronica, why don’t you and Nick stay in town tonight?” her dad asks as they leave the reception.

“It would be much easier than driving into San Diego this late,” Alicia agrees.

Veronica entertains the thought, but quickly dismisses it as she envisions trying to share her tiny twin bed with Nick. Of course, more than likely, Nick would be relegated to the couch, and she wants to spend the night by his side. After four years into their relationship, with three of those years spent living together, Veronica’s grown accustomed to having Nick’s arms around her while she sleeps.

“Thanks, but I think we’ll just back to the hotel,” she demurs. “But if you’re free, we could stop by for breakfast tomorrow morning.”

“That would be nice,” Alicia agrees. “Tomorrow then, say around eight?”

“We’ll see you then,” Nick replies with an easy smile, and they say their goodbyes before leaving the reception.

Veronica settles into the passenger seat of the sedan they rented. Today has been a good day, filled with memories and catching up with old friends. For so long, her memory associated Neptune with angst and confusion and so many other complex emotions. Beyond wanting to prove herself as a photographer, that had been one of the driving forces that caused her to spread her wings after high school.

It was like she told Logan earlier that evening – it was nice to walk down the streets of New York City and be anonymous, to be one in ten million. After Lilly died, she hadn’t been able to go anywhere in Neptune without being the focus of the attention of so many. Initially, the unwanted fame had been due to the vicious rumors and lies that were circulating about her and her father and her family, but over the years that followed, her role in the spotlight shifted. She gained notoriety as a teenage P.I., and she garnered even more when she reestablished her friendship with Logan and Duncan.

Even when the spiteful gossip stopped circulating, she never really became comfortable with having everyone’s eyes on her. It didn’t matter that the sentiment behind the attention had changed – her memories of the way so many of those she’d thought were her friends had turned on her so quickly still remained fresh in her mind. With Logan and Duncan and Wallace at her side, she knew that such rumors were unlikely to start up again, and if they did, they would have been unable to gain any sort of foothold.

However, that conscious acknowledgment had done nothing to change the uncomfortable sensation she felt when she saw people looking at her and whispering amongst themselves. True, they were probably talking about how she and Logan had ditched school the previous week, or about whether or not she and Logan (or she and Duncan, or she and Wallace, or she and the kitchen sink) were sleeping together. They were rumors, and they weren’t worth the effort to fight, especially since her experience had taught her that protesting rumors never made them disappear. If anything, it just made things worse.

By moving to New York, she has been able to escape the whispers and the stares. Even her mother’s marriage to Jake Kane wasn’t enough to get most people to look at her twice. After all, why would anyone bother with Jake Kane’s step-daughter when there were actual celebrities and rich corporate executives to follow around?

And that is just the way Veronica likes it.

To be honest, some of her insecurities and borderline paranoia about rumors and gossip center on the fear that her biggest secret will be revealed and change her life for the worse. The secret itself isn’t that big of a deal, not really, but her immediate family is the only one that knows the truth – that Veronica is a Kane through and through.

It has been a fact of her life ever since she was a junior in high school, when her dad sent away for a paternity test. Considering the results of said test, she supposes it’s a bit strange to still think of Keith Mars as her dad, but that’s what he is in her mind and in her heart, and that’s what really counts.

When he came to her and told her the truth, that’s exactly what she said to him. That she didn’t care if Jake Kane was her biological father. That being a father involves more than just contributing DNA. That being a father is about love and affection and mutual respect. Keith Mars is the one who raised her, the one who made her into the woman she is now, and he is the only one she wants to call Dad. She said that the Kane money didn’t matter and that she didn’t want anything to do with that family or their money.

After they talked, they agreed that no one else needed to know the truth. Since nothing was going to change, it was no one’s business but their own. While Jake Kane did have a right to know, it wasn’t worth creating trouble within the Kane family, so they would keep the information to themselves.

Learning the truth about her paternity didn’t really change anything for Veronica – nothing big, at least. But just because nothing in her life changed, so far as the general population could tell, that didn’t mean that she didn’t have her own share of haunting dreams and nightmares that tortured her with the _what if’s_ and worst case scenarios of the secret she and her dad kept.

Months passed, and when her mom announced that she would be marrying Jake Kane, Veronica and her dad decided that they should tell them the truth. The soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Kane would understand the importance of keeping this information under wraps, they rationalized. No matter what might have happened over the years, Lianne was still Veronica’s mother. Veronica’s major reservation centered on if they would want her to take her rightful place in the Kane family, to fill the gaping hole that Lilly had left behind. Still, with her dad by her side for moral support, they shared what they’d discovered. To Veronica’s great relief, nothing really changed. She was going to be a step-daughter of Jake Kane as a result of the marriage anyhow, and Jake saw no need to make it known to the public that Veronica was his biological daughter versus his step-daughter, not if that wasn’t what she wanted.

Still, Veronica and Duncan certainly had had an awkward moment when their eyes met after her dad told Jake Kane that, surprise surprise, he had another biological daughter. By that point, Veronica had learned that it was Duncan she’d slept with at Shelley’s party, and now he was certain to go through the same self-recriminations that she’d had to deal with when she received confirmation that the boy she’d slept with was not just her ex-boyfriend but also her half-brother.

Logan and Wallace weren’t blind enough not to notice the slight awkwardness between Duncan and Veronica over the next few months, but when both made it clear that they didn’t want to talk about it, both boys let it drop. While they both made it clear that if she ever wanted to talk about it, they’d be there for her, Veronica was surprised at how easy it was to get the both of them not to push the matter. Once she thought about it, however, it made sense.

Logan certainly had plenty of experience with keeping things to himself and sharing on only a need-to-know basis. He may not have liked the decision that she and Duncan had made, but at the very least he could respect that. As for Wallace, like Logan, he wanted to be there for her through whatever she had to deal with, but he respected the fact that some things she preferred to keep to herself. Logan and Wallace weren’t stupid, so they probably figured that the weirdness between her and Duncan had to do with their romantic history. They were right, of course, but it was so much deeper and more disturbing than anything as simple as who she’d been dating in high school.

She’d thought about telling Logan and Wallace the truth about her paternity, but since it didn’t really affect anything, and it wasn’t going to change anything as far as her life was concerned, what did it matter? She didn’t doubt for a second that they’d understand the importance of keeping the secret, but the fewer people she told, the less questions she’d have to answer, and the easier it would be for her to move on with her life.

Over time, things changed slightly, and their circle of confidants expanded a bit further. After her dad married Alicia, Veronica knew that they’d have to tell her and Wallace the truth. And now, after a few more years, Darrell knew as well. Each of them understood the importance of keeping such information under wraps; however, while Veronica is comfortable with her immediate family knowing about the secret, she has no plans to share the information with anyone else, including Nick.

She supposes it might be considered hypocritical to keep such a secret from the man that she loves, but it isn’t like she’s keeping the secret from him because of a lack of trust. She just doesn’t see how sharing that information would make any difference within their relationship. Certainly, if they wanted to have children, the argument could be made that he deserved to know, but with no plans to pass on her DNA to Nick Juniors and miniature Veronicas, it’s irrelevant.

As far as the secret goes, one thing she finds amusing is the fact that of her two “families,” she considers herself to be closer to the one to which she has no biological ties. Oh, sure, after her mother came back to Neptune, Veronica spent time with her again and tried to reestablish the trust that had been broken by her sudden departure. She often goes out to dinner with the Kanes when they are in New York on business, but she doesn’t have the same connection to them that she has with her dad.

It was surprising, in a sense, considering that when she was younger, she was closer to her mother. Of course, her mom was generally at home when she was, while her dad was at the Sheriff’s Department, first as a deputy and later as the sheriff himself.

But after her mother left, essentially abandoning her when her world had already been turned upside-down, things changed. Her dad became her rock and the only person she really had to talk to for almost a year. He taught her some of the skills she was most proud of – largely the skills she learned on her path to becoming to best teenage P.I. in California – even though most of the teachings were admittedly reluctant on his part. He wanted the best for her; he wanted her to be a normal teenage girl. Problem was, normalcy was beyond her reach ever since she stumbled on the dead body of her best friend all those years ago.

To be honest, that might even be a part of the reason why she feels closer to the Mars-Fennels than to the Kanes. The middle-class home and family makes her feel more like everyone else and helps her pretend – at least for a little while – that she’s normal again.

“So, Veronica,” Nick begins as he pulls into the hotel parking lot, “has Duncan’s wedding been giving you second thoughts?”

She laughs at the suggestion and shakes her head. “If anything, it’s made me even more certain that weddings are far too much pomp and circumstance for me. I mean, I’m sure that Duncan and Angela will be happy, and I’m looking forward to playing with any children they have, but that’s not what I’m looking for.” She leans across the console of the car to lay a soft kiss on his cheek. “That’s not what _we’re_ looking for.”

“You and Duncan seemed pretty close for only being his step-sister,” he responds after a few moments, taking her arm as they head into the hotel.

“We’ve been friends for years – ever since we were little. His sister was my best friend, and since I was spending all this time at his house with Lilly, we became friends, too, I guess.” She doesn’t mention the fact that they were once boyfriend and girlfriend, knowing that the step-sibling dynamic that they have now would likely make Nick uncomfortable. Plus, given his love for psychoanalysis, she’d just as soon not give him reason to do any Freudian speculations regarding her relationship with Duncan.

Besides, her relationship with Duncan is definitely in the past. He just married a wonderful woman, and the two of them hadn’t been together _like that_ since high school, so it is hardly relevant anymore.

“Lilly? Did I meet her today?” he asks curiously.

“No, she passed away a few years ago,” Veronica quietly shares, a sad smile on her lips. Lilly would have made Duncan’s wedding an event to remember if she were still alive. She would have given a speech that would have had everyone laughing and Duncan blushing. She would have danced the night away, long after the happy couple had set off for their Honeymoon. She would have added life and vibrance and pizzazz to the celebration in a way that no one else could have matched.

 _Lilly,_ Veronica’s heart cried out, effectively capping a bittersweet day in which she found herself torn between the present and the past, between memories and dreams, between regrets and achievements.

“Come on,” Veronica says, fixing a bright smile on her face and effectively ending any questioning about Lilly before Nick can get started. “Let’s go up to our room – it’s been a long day.”

***

Miles away, in a suburb of Los Angeles, Logan tucks his young daughter into her bed and thinks back on the day. Duncan had told him that Veronica was going to be in the wedding party when he’d asked Logan to serve as his best man, and Logan had half-anticipated to and half-dreaded the wedding day.

If he’s being honest with himself, he knows he was looking forward to it if only because he knew that Angela and Duncan would be happy together. However, he hadn’t really been looking forward to seeing the ever-inquisitive Veronica Mars. He’s surprised that she didn’t push him on why he’d essentially cut off contact with her after high school. His best guess is that she figured out that the answer wasn’t something she’d enjoy hearing and that leaving it for another day was for the best.

Plus, there was the added bonus of watching him sweat all day as he was on edge, waiting for the question he didn’t want to answer and still isn’t sure he can really fully explain.

When she comes over for dinner, he’ll tell her then. He’s still not quite sure how to word it – not that there’s any way to word the truth that won’t end up making her angry. But still, she deserves to have the truth, and she deserves to understand his motivations, even if she won’t agree with the decision he made. He’ll just have to do whatever he can to find a way to explain it to her. Optimally, he’ll find a way to do that while not ruining whatever remnants of friendship they have left.

After seeing her and talking with her after so many years have passed, he knows that he wants to have Veronica Mars back in his life again. He misses their ease of conversation and the way he knew he could always count on her. It won’t be easy to keep up a close friendship with them living on separate coasts, but if these past seven years have taught him anything, it’s that life _with_ Veronica is much easier and much better than life without her.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I can promise that there will be more character interaction and less internal musing in the next chapter, whenever that gets done. (strangely enough, when I was trying to work on Chapter Eight, the sequel to Together Apart decided it wanted to be added on to instead - fickle, fickle muse ... ) 
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think - reactions to any of the revelations made by Logan and Veronica in this chapter (or, well, anywhere) are certainly welcome. Thanks again!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one thinks that they've lost their way, hope will be there to lead them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be perfectly honest (as strange as it may sound), this chapter is coming to you thanks to the presidential campaign. A certain candidate has been talking about hope and whatever else, and when I'd hear his speeches on CNN/etc., it would remind me of this fic. Finally, this past weekend, I had a chance to do something about it and get this written. All I ask is that if you are eligible to vote in the US, please _please_ do so today. Our country is at a turning point, and everyone should be involved in deciding where we go from here. [/political soapbox]
> 
>  **BETA THANKS:** [](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/profile)[**sarah_p**](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/) for, as always, being super fast, super comma'y, and super awesome.  
> 

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

_"Hope in every sphere of life is a privilege that attaches to action. No action, no hope." – Peter Levi_

A week has passed, and Logan still hasn’t had a chance to call Veronica. During the week after Duncan’s wedding, he’d just had too much going on.

Or, at least, that’s what he tells himself as he sits in his home office, finally forcing himself to fully consider the situation. It’s easier to believe that than to believe that he’s _afraid_ to call Veronica.

Besides, if anything, “afraid” isn’t exactly the right term. It’s more … a postponing of the inevitable. He isn’t afraid – really, he isn’t – but he’s only human, after all.

But the bottom line is that he wants Veronica in his life, as his friend, and the only way to make that happen is to be up-front about why he acted the way he did all those years ago.

To his eighteen-year-old self, his decision to distance himself from Veronica made perfect sense. It was unbelievably hard to stick with it – especially since Veronica had been more persistent than he’d expected. She’d taken the hint much faster when they were in high school.

Then again, persistence was one of the more attractive traits of Veronica 2.0 that morphed out of the wreckage of Lilly’s death. Yeah, her unwillingness to let up was a pain in his ass when it came to her determination to prank him or find evidence pointing to his guilt in whatever case she was working on that week. Still, it was that same determination that he came to admire in the months that followed. When the truth about Lilly’s murder finally came out, Logan really realized just how impressive her persistence could be.

And now, that same resolve is probably going to lead to her chewing him out. Maybe, but hopefully not, for most of the night.

Still, Veronica’s trip to California won’t last forever, and if he doesn’t suck it up and call her soon, he might miss his chance all together.

Having considered his options, he spins his office chair to look out over the Pacific coastline as he pulls his cell phone from his coat pocket. He finds the number for the Mars-Fennel household while he wishes that he’d thought to get Veronica’s cell phone number from Duncan before he left on his honeymoon.

_Hello?_

“Uh, is Veronica there?” Logan asks.

 _Veronica!_ Logan hears the muffled yell as someone – probably Darrell – calls her to the phone.

 _Hello?_ Her voice sounds rushed, and she seems more than a little distracted.

“Hey, Veronica. It’s, uh, it’s Logan. Is this a bad time?”

_No, it’s fine. We’re just getting ready to head out to the airport, so piling everything in the car is kind of the priority right now._

Logan’s heart falters a bit at the words. Is he too late? “Oh. You’re heading back today then?”

_What?_

Then, slightly muffled, he hears, _No, don’t put that in the bag – I’m going to need that._

_Sorry, Logan. Nick’s flying back today since classes at NYU start next week. Can I call you when we get back from the airport?_

Like a sentimental fool, Logan feels a surge of hope. “That’s fine, Veronica. I’ll be around all day. You have my cell number?”

_I do now – Dad has caller ID._

“Great. Talk to you later.”

_Bye._

This is good. This is very, very good. He had wondered how he was going to get Veronica alone to explain the hows and whys of everything that happened to Veronica with Nick hanging around, but since he’s heading back to New York, that simplifies everything. Plus, it’ll be easier to talk to Veronica without having to worry about entertaining a guy that he doesn’t seem to have much in common with. Other than Veronica, anyhow.

Logan shakes his head in amazement. If in high school he’d had to predict what sort of guy Veronica would end up with in the end, it definitely wouldn’t have been a guy like Nick. At least, for the Veronica who surfaced after Lilly’s death, a guy like that wouldn’t have held her interest for more than a few months.

Then again, what does he know? Veronica seems happy with Nick – very happy if the stories Duncan had passed along were even close to true. There’s probably more to Nick than what meets the eye, Logan tells himself. And, honestly, his mental image of a future Veronica is still, in some ways, tied to a relationship with him.

That isn’t going to happen, though, clearly, and he accepted that fact years ago. Still, a part of him can’t help but hope and wonder … _What if?_

***

“Daddy, can we have ice cream?”

“After dinner, sweetheart,” Logan replies, watching his daughter out of the corner of his eye and wishing he hadn’t given Lettie the night off. He’s a semi-accomplished cook these days, and he’s made this dish – Esperanza’s favorite – more times than he can count.

“Daddy, Murphy wants to meet ‘Ronica when she comes for dinner,” she tells him as she tugs on his pant leg and holds her favorite stuffed elephant under her other arm.

“Okay, honey. When she gets here, I’m sure she’ll be happy to meet Murphy,” Logan responds, mostly sure that Veronica is amused by his daughter enough to indulge Esperanza in introductions to Murphy – and probably a good half-dozen other stuffed animals as well. “In the meantime, why don’t you find a chair for Murphy next to you at the table?”

“Okay!” Esperanza replies giddly and begins pushing her pink plastic Little Tyke chair towards the table, when the doorbell rings.

“She’s here!” Esperanza whoops loudly, racing for the door.

Quickly checking the status of all of the dishes he has in progress, Logan determines everything is under control and follows his sprightly daughter to the door and helps her open the door to welcome Veronica inside. He never doubted that she’d come to dinner – the Veronica he knew in high school was always willing to go to almost any length to get the answers she sought – but he hopes that things go as smoothly as possible.

Veronica’s too polite to start interrogating him in front of his four-year-old daughter, right?

“Hi! Hi!” Esperanza greets her, practically bouncing with excitement. “I’ve been waiting alllll day for dinnertime because Daddy said you were coming over, and I like you a lot, and I think we’re going to have so much fun tonight. Oh! I almost forgot! Murphy wants to meet you!”

And with that, she ran back to the dining room to get her elephant, leaving Veronica looking at Logan curiously.

He shrugs. “What can I say? After I told her you’d be eating dinner with us, she’s been looking forward to it pretty much all afternoon.”

“Well, I … I had no idea I’d made such an impression on her.”

Logan shoots her a look. “You have no idea. The day after the wedding, all she wanted to do was pull out all the old Neptune High yearbooks so she could see everyone that was at the party again.” He shakes his head, almost in disbelief. “She had definite opinions on some of the hairstyles and fashion trends.”

Veronica laughs. “I don’t doubt it.”

Esperanza is back before they can continue their conversation, and she holds Murphy up above her head while she stands on her tippy-toes and says, “‘Ronica, this is Murphy. He’s my bestest el’phant, and he wanted to meet you because Daddy said that you never forgetted _anything_ when you were in high school and ‘cuz Murphy’s an el’phant, he doesn’t forget anything, neither.”

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Murphy,” Veronica replies, shaking Murphy’s trunk as Esperanza has his legs firmly in her grim.

Beaming at Veronica, Esperanza asks, “How do you not forget anything? It’s hard. I forget things lots and lots of times. And Daddy forgets stuff too, like that I get to stay up late when company comes over. Right, Daddy?” she finishes with an angelic smile.

“Not quite, you little rascal,” he replies, ruffling her hair affectionately. “Why don’t you and Murphy go get cleaned up, while I put the finishing touches on dinner?”

“‘Kay!”

“So, Veronica, what are your feelings about Mac ‘n’ Cheese?”

“Uh, mostly favorable. Why?”

“It’s Esperanza’s favorite, and she insisted that we have it for dinner since if it’s _her_ favorite, it’s clearly everyone else’s favorite.”

“Well, of course, it is, Logan,” she smirks, a sense of stating the obvious clear in her tone of voice.

He just laughs and points her towards the dining room before he returns to the kitchen to put the finishing touches on their meal.

***

Veronica has to admit that she’s impressed with everything she’s seen so far tonight. Esperanza is much more fun than she’d expected a four-year-old to be – and the fact that she’s a tad precocious doesn’t hurt things. Logan’s home is beautiful, with lots of open spaces and high arching doorways, and she has to admit that this isn’t what she expected at all.

Not that she thought Esperanza would be an ill-mannered fool or Logan would be living in a hovel. She supposes it’s just her inner prejudices coming into play, but she definitely expected Logan to have a vast, and traditionally styled, mansion. His home is definitely larger than that of the average family, but it’s nowhere near as gigantic as the homes in the oh-niner zip. The sprawling Echolls monstrosity in Neptune could easily fit three of the Echolls residence outside of Solana Beach.

But as both Logan and Veronica have come to realize, size isn’t everything. There’s a sense of love and family within the walls here along the coast. She doesn’t know what it is about the place – maybe it’s the multitude of crayoned drawings on the fridge or the Barbie dolls she saw strewn across the ottoman in the living room – but it feels different, better in more ways than she can explain, than the cold mausoleum-like building where Logan grew up.

Veronica prides herself on expecting the unexpected and being prepared for almost any eventuality. But this situation, Logan’s a happy single father with a joyous and adorable daughter. It’s one that, honestly, was beyond anything she never imagined.

After Logan’s own tormented childhood, Veronica hadn’t expected him to want children, let alone relish spending time with his daughter. She knows it isn’t a show put on for her benefit – Esperanza’s attitude and bubbly personality highlight the loving home environment she clearly enjoys, and that’s something that’s not easily faked.

Somehow, despite everything he’s been through, Logan found a way to put the past in the past and create the loving family he’d always been lacking. Veronica’s happy for him, as it’s clear that he’s found a sense of contentment in his life.

Veronica filled her plate from the well-laid table. The vast quantities and varieties of food looked like they had been prepared for a small army, and not a mere party of three. In addition to the promised Mac ‘n’ Cheese, Veronica heaped her plate with cooked asparagus, fresh baked bread, and fresh fruit.

“Logan, this food is delicious. Mrs. Navarro must have spent all day putting this together.”

“Actually, I made everything – but I’m glad that you like it.”

“You … cook?” Veronica realizes she perhaps shouldn’t be so shocked. After all, Logan’s father liked to believe he had a culinary flair from time to time. During high school, however, Logan had evaded cooking like it was akin to torture. Apparently that’s just one more thing to add to the ever-growing list of Ways In Which Logan Echolls Has Changed.

“Yeah, I guess you could say it’s a hobby of mine. Esperanza’s been my taste tester more than once. It didn’t take me long to learn not to tell her what she’s eating until after she’s tried it.”

“One time, he made me eat _spinach_ ,” she tells Veronica, her distaste clear on her face.

“It wasn’t that bad, now, was it?”

Esperanza gags for effect, and Veronica can’t help but laugh at the picture the pair presents. They’re so easy and comfortable with each other that it’s clear each is the center of the other’s world. Then again, life is easy when you’re only four when the world seems no larger than your own backyard.

“Can we have ice cream now?” Esperanza asks, ignoring Logan’s question.

“I think we only have spinach-flavored ice cream,” he responds, his face the picture of utter seriousness.

“Ewwww!” Esperanza’s hands fly to her throat as she makes all sorts of weird faces in response to her father’s suggestion. Then, a moment later, she drops the act. “Don’t we have any of the cookie dough kind left? You didn’t eat it all after I went to sleep last night, did you?” she asks accusingly.

“I didn’t have any, but the Ice Cream Monster might have gotten hungry and needed a bedtime snack,” he replies with a grin.

“But what about _my_ bedtime snack?” she questions, as her lower lip starts to tremble.

“Let’s have a look, shall we?” Logan suggests, heading towards the freezer. “Let’s see here. Spinach ice cream,” he begins, lifting a carton of what appears to actually be mint ice cream out of the freezer. “We’ve also got frozen squash, a vegetable mix, and … What’s this?”

He offers the carton to Esperanza. “Cookie dough?” she guesses hopefully.

“Cookie dough,” he agrees, pulling a plastic bowl out of the cupboard along with a canister filled with sprinkles. He gives Esperanza one scoop of her ice cream with one shake of chocolate sprinkles, which earns a questioning look from Veronica.

“Sprinkles? On ice cream?”

“All cookies need sprink-lees,” Esperanza informs her solemnly. “Even ones that are still doughy.”

“Yup,” Logan agrees. “And after ice cream, I think it’s someone’s bedtime.”

“But, Daddy!” Esperanza begins, preparing to launch into an argument about why she should be allowed to stay up late on such a special night.

“Ice cream is a bedtime snack, sweetie. After ice cream, we always go to bed, right?”

She pouts adorably, but Logan refuses to relent. Heaving a sigh, she takes a bite of her ice cream and reluctantly agrees, “Fine. But I need ‘Ronica to tell me a bedtime story first.”

***

After reading _If You Give A Mouse A Cookie_ to Esperanza, Logan suggests that they watch the sunset from the porch. When she agrees, he clips a baby monitor to his belt loop and leads her towards the gorgeous California coastline that’s just outside his back door.

The time has come for him to man up and tell her what he’s been dreading. The truth about why he never returned any of her messages once they went off to college. He’s had a good time tonight – and it’s plain as day that his daughter adores Veronica. He wants to do this with her again – here in California or on a trip to New York. He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wants, no _needs_ , to have Veronica in his life again.

He can’t put it off any longer. He just hopes that she’ll take the news better than he expects.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I hope you all enjoyed this unexpected burst of productivity that I had this morning. (seriously, 5 of these 6 pages were written over about 3 hours - I haven't been that prolific, in any fandom, in MONTHS) I make no promises as to when/if it'll happen again (sorry!), but I promise that I haven't given up hope on this fic yet.
> 
> Theories, reactions, con crit, and general comments are always more than welcome. Thanks again for reading! :)


	9. Only Hope, Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one thinks that they've lost their way, hope will be there to lead them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **BETA THANKS:** [](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/profile)[**sarah_p**](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/) and [](http://angst-driven.livejournal.com/profile)[**angst_driven**](http://angst-driven.livejournal.com/) for being totally awesome. All mistakes within are mine.

**CHAPTER NINE**

_Vain hope that my sins are forgivable.  
Appeal for one more opportunity.  
–"Title of the Song" by Da Vinci's Notebook_

“Is it always this breathtaking?” Veronica asks, leaning out over the porch railing as she gazes out at the panorama of the sun setting over the Pacific Ocean.

Logan smiles. “It’s never the same, but it’s always worth watching.”

A pregnant pause spreads between the pair, their eyes steady on the sight before them as they stand side-by-side. Logan wishes that they could relax while enjoying such a beautiful sunset, but he knows that until they have The Talk, it won’t be possible – at least, not for him.

“Why?” Veronica asks suddenly, pulling him from his inward musings.

Logan blinks. “Why what?”

“Why didn’t you want to talk to me after we left for college? I thought maybe you just wanted to forget everything related to Neptune, and I missed you, but I could understood that at least. But … ” She pauses, as if trying to collect her thoughts. “You talked to Duncan; you returned his emails. I want to know why. Why him and not me?”

He sighs deeply. “It’s not as simple as you versus Duncan, but, yes, you deserve an explanation. Just – let me get through it all before you interrupt?”

She nods mutely, and he takes a deep breath before starting.

“You’re right when you say that I wanted to cut all my ties to Neptune. The only good things that ever happened there were with you or Duncan or Lilly or Wallace. I knew I could never really escape being Logan Echolls, but I wanted a clean break and a fresh start. But you know all that already.”

She nods, and he remembers the conversations they’d had when they were picking out schools. Both of them had wanted to get out of Neptune and out of California. Logan remembers being surprised by how much she wanted to get away from her family, but he understood her reasoning – that she wanted a chance to be Veronica. Just Veronica. Not Lilly’s best friend, not Duncan’s ex-girlfriend, not the daughter of the former Sheriff. It was a reflection of his own desire to escape the West Coast.

“I second-guessed my decision more times than I could count after I got to Chicago. With every voice mail you left and every email you sent, I thought maybe I _should_ call you back.”

“Then why didn’t you?” she can’t help but ask. “I was all by myself in New York, which, yeah, is what I wanted, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t want to have any connection to my old life. When we were in high school, we used to talk about everything. I missed that.” She pauses, looking down at her fidgeting hands, before adding in a softer voice, “I missed you.”

“You told me once that you wanted to be all-but-anonymous in New York; that you were looking forward to being one person out of millions,” Logan counters. “My family life was a nightmare then. I was one of the best-paying paparazzi targets in the country. If we had stayed in touch, you would have been on the cover of every tabloid.”

She snorts in disbelief. “Right. Because if we’re talking on the phone, of _course_ all the gossip columnists will know about it.”

“No, but if we had stayed in touch throughout college, I’d have flown to visit you a few times – or sent you a plane ticket to come visit me.”

She rolls her eyes but concedes the point. “So you decided never to talk to me again because you thought I’d be ruined by a couple of magazine covers? If there’s anything high school taught me, it’s that rumors generally aren’t worth the effort of fighting.”

“It wasn’t that simple,” he replies. “I wanted you to be able to do your own thing and be happy. That’s what really mattered to me, and that’s what I was trying to do.”

“So you thought I would be happy _without_ being able to talk to one of my best friends?” she asks incredulously.

Logan winces, knowing that she has a point. One that he certainly hadn’t even thought to consider all those years ago. “Well, no, I guess not, but I mean, I just kept thinking of all of the bad things that happened to you because of me.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I drugged your drink at Shelley’s party,” he begins, counting the incidents on his fingers. “I ruined your reputation after Lilly died with lies and innuendo. I trashed your car. I was selfish and pulled you away from more dates than I can count for the stupidest reasons.”

“The first few things? Yeah, those were pretty shitty,” she admits, “but you’ve changed, Logan. By our senior year, you weren’t the same asshole you once were. As for the rest, I made my own decisions when it came to helping you out. Believe it or not, you mattered to me – maybe more than I wanted to admit.”

“I know, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was holding you back from actually having a life. Back then, I thought that maybe if I wasn’t around, or if I wasn’t a part of your life, maybe you’d be able to move forward and finally make that new life for yourself that I knew you were dreaming about.”

By this point, Veronica was fuming. “You have got to be the most conceited asshole I’ve ever met!” she all-but-growls at him. “Did you honestly think that my world revolved around you so much that I needed you to be gone from my life for me to start doing things for myself? After Shelley’s party, I swore to myself that I was never going to do something just because someone else asked me to – never, never again. And, for the most part, I’ve lived by that rule and only done things that _I_ wanted to do.”

“Look, I know better than that now, but back then? Yeah, I was a conceited son of a bitch, and I wanted what I thought was best for you.”

”What _you_ thought was best?!” she explodes. “Logan – ”

“You’re happy now, aren’t you?” he asks, cutting her off.

Veronica glares at him, her simmering fury clear. “So? Are you trying to tell me that you think that I wouldn’t be happy if you had been in my life for the past few years? What sort of crack are you smoking, Logan?”

Logan holds up his hands, understanding that she’s absolutely right. He can see that now, but back then, his picture of reality was nowhere near as clear. “No, I fucked up. I’m sorry, and I know I shouldn’t have tried to cut you out of my life. But that’s in the past, Veronica. We can’t change it. My point is that you’re happy now, right? It’s not like losing contact with me made you miserable.”

“Sure, Logan,” she scoffs, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “I was a broken mess without you. I have no idea how I ever managed to survive without you to dote on.”

He shakes his head in amusement. He’s not surprised that she’s fallen back on sarcasm now that she’s likely uncertain as to what’ll happen next.

“I’ve missed you, Veronica,” he replies sincerely, hoping that she’ll take him seriously. “You have every right to be upset, but I don’t want us to lose touch again when you head back to New York.”

She glares at him once more, but the heat is gone. “I guess you’re right – _now_.” She frowns at him. “But you couldn’t have been more wrong all those years ago.”

He nods, trying to keep a wide grin from spreading across his face.

“And, hey, maybe you and Esperanza could come visit me sometime. There’s a lot to do in New York, and I’d love to be your tour guide.”

“Yeah?” Logan asks, happy that Veronica is able to see the big picture and overlook his youthful mistakes. Oh, sure, he doesn’t doubt that she’ll find a way to extract her revenge somehow. She is, after all, still Veronica Mars. The important thing is that he’s going to have Veronica in his life again.

Now that he realizes exactly what he could have – deservedly – lost, he’s more thankful than ever that his and Esperanza’s futures will include Veronica.

***

Logan’s long since headed back into the house to check on Esperanza while Veronica remains out on the patio, gazing over the cliff upon which Logan’s house sits and further, onto the pristine sand below. It’s a beautiful sight even though the sun has long since set, and she looks into the crashing waves for some sort of clarity as to what just happened.

The explanation Logan gave her for cutting her out of his life makes some twisted sort of sense if she looks at it through the perspective of the boy she knew in high school. To be honest, she didn’t think he really thought about her enough back then to worry about her future and her happiness when it came to making decisions that affected his own life. She can’t help but wonder if maybe she’s missing a bigger piece of the puzzle.

She knows Logan wouldn’t lie to her – not again – or, at least, not outright. Lies of omission were not just minimalized during their high school days; more often than not they were common practice. Yeah, that was usually when dealing with their parents (or, more specifically, _her_ parents since Logan’s dad generally didn’t give a damn), but providing enough information to pacify a worried parent while not giving away so much truth that they’d get into trouble had been an art form back then.

But what reasons could Logan have had that he can’t tell her about now, after so many years have passed? She wracks her brain, exploring any and all possibilities, but nothing seems to fit. Or, at least, nothing fits better than the explanation he’s just given her.

She’ll have to accept it – for now, at least. Veronica will still be in California for a few more weeks, and she’ll have to use that time to brush up on her sorely neglected PI skills. If there’s more to Logan’s story than what he just told her, she’ll uncover the truth before too much longer.

“Deep thoughts?” Logan asks, stepping outside with two glasses of lemonade in hand.

“It seems like the time and the place for it,” she replies with a shrug. With dusk settling around them and the warm summer breeze slowly cooling, Veronica can’t help but feel as if she’s stuck in some netherworld. Not day or night, not summer or fall. Just like when she used to head out on a stakeout for her dad or drive around to do some soul searching years ago.

She takes a sip of her lemonade before turning to face Logan, her surprise clear on her face. “There’s not any alcohol in here, is there?”

He shakes his head with a laugh. “Not a drop. I might have some vodka in one of the kitchen cupboards somewhere, though, if you’d prefer something a bit harder.”

She can’t help but echo his laugh, having difficulty believing how much things have changed. “No, I’m good. And, actually, I really should be heading back to my hotel – it’s getting late, and I’m sure you have to work in the morning.”

“Ah, Veronica, but that’s the beauty of being a philanthropist – I pretty much make my own hours.”

“Well, I’ve got a bit of a drive to get back to Neptune. Thanks for dinner, Logan.”

“No problem,” he replies, leading her towards the end table where she left her purse. “We should do this again before you head out.”

“I’d like that,” she agrees with a smile. “Good night, Logan.”

She reaches out to hug him goodbye, when he suddenly steps back. “No, wait.”

She quirks an eyebrow. “What?”

“You shouldn’t head back to the hotel.”

“What? Why not?” she asks confusedly.

“Look, we’ve got plenty of bedrooms here, and I’m sure I can find something for you to wear to bed tonight. Lettie lays in probably a year’s supply of bathroom stuff, so I can get you a toothbrush and whatever else you’d need. There’s no point in you driving all the way back to Neptune – and paying whatever they’re charging you at the Regent – when you can stay here with us.”

“Logan, I couldn’t – ” she begins, but he quickly cuts her off.

“Why not? Esperanza loves you, and she’ll be thrilled to see you here tomorrow morning. If anything, she’ll be upset that she didn’t get to play with you more tonight before going to bed. Lettie still thinks you’re fabulous after everything you did for Weevil in high school.”

“And?” she prompts when he pauses in his persuasion. When he doesn’t respond, she prods further. “What about you?”

“Me?”

He sighs, and she sees that evaluating look in his eyes. She’s sick of the half-truths, of the lies of omission. “The truth, Logan. All of it.”

He looks down as he runs a hand through his hair before meeting her eyes again. “You used to be one of my best friends, Veronica. And, yeah, it’s my own fault that that got fucked up, but I figure that if you’re over here more before you head back, I can get to know you again. Maybe I can find a way to make up for, well, everything.”

He sounds sincere, but she knows from personal experience that Logan can make the most outrageous lie sound like the God’s honest truth if he works at it enough.

She likes the thought more than she wants to admit aloud. She wants to believe that Logan means it, and that he wants learn everything that’s changed about her since high school. She wants to know him again, too. She’s already uncovered more surprises about this new Logan than she expected, and she’s sure that there are plenty left to discover.

And, as an added bonus, the more that she’s around Logan, the more likely he is to let something slip if there’s more to his explanation than what he told her before.

She plays it cool, though – there’s no need to show Logan how much she likes his idea.

“Okay, Logan,” she says with a shrug, motioning for Logan to lead her to the guest room. “If you cook breakfast half as well as you do dinner, I’ll be in for a treat tomorrow morning.”  
 **TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed getting an answer (or at least a partial answer if Veronica's instincts are accurate) to a question I know many of you have been wondering about for awhile. Please don't be too hard on Logan though - he screwed up, he knows it, but he did what he thought (with his stupid, adolescent, generally inebriated mind) thought was best. ;) At least he's (mostly) fixed it now, right?
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts - even if they are just to yell at my Logan for ever thinking that what he did was a good idea. (I promise I'll pass along the message!)
> 
> Thanks again!
> 
> ( **SEPTEMBER 2012 UPDATE NOTE:** I actually have the first "scene" of the next chapter written (yay!), and feedback will certainly help feed the muse. I'd love to get back on track when it comes to writing this piece, so if you have any thoughts you'd like to share, I'd love to hear them. Thanks! :))


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